Thread: Zorgon

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    #21
    Member Craighoit's Avatar
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    Hey Sarah,

    Two countries separated by a common language, huh? I am not sure if it's best to Americanize spelling for a screenplay or not. I suspect most people would know that a torch is another word for "flashlight" - I was just teasing a bit about that.

    Sherlock is awesome - just watched the first episode of series (not season - grin) two. OK, it was kind of beyond awesome.

    The untermench/nazi thing didn't bother me too much. My one worry might be its place in such an obviously light-hearted piece. That more than anything seems the issue. My personal view, and it's only that, is that it's important that we remember the crimes of the Nazi's and their various philosophies, arts, etc to keep them from being repeated. I'm sure the Coppola's selection of Ride of the Valkyries in (one of the best war films ever) Apocalypse Now, was informed by this sort of thing.

    Craig


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    #22
    Senior Member Rustom Irani's Avatar
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    Sarah, you write dialogs that not only bring the characters out of my computer screen but also stick true to form and function as the scene demands.

    No digressive ponderings or introspective trains of though devoid of real substance. That takes skill and you can write a pretty darn awesome family friendly tale.

    A great blend of sci-fi fantasy here with a sweet little message through a quirky little character, will make both kids and grown-ups fans of the short.

    I love Zorgís dialogs, the descriptive details like Lukeís props in his room, his obvious love for astronomy.

    The ending is perfect!

    And did I read an homage to a Gandhi or Sun Tzu quote in there? J

    A few things that donít quite work for me:

    • The opening space shot with the U.F.O. approaching earth has been done to death and I want a different take on the premise. Perhaps a cheat with its scale to fool us that itís HUGE?
    • The scene with the checkers game could be split, as the pacing slows down here a bit and it feels a tad longer. Perhaps one game transitions to another and Zorg loses at all of them?

    Those are but nit-picks in a well-crafted family friendly short. My personal favourite in this contest.

    Great job, as expected!
    1st Place, Scriptfest X: TrappedFest - Glued

    2nd Place, ScriptFest IV: Western - The Patch-up Kid

    3rd Place, ScriptFest V: MonsterFest - Brr
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    #23
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Massive congratulations!!!!
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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