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    #11
    Member DarrenJSeeley's Avatar
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    While I wasn't crazy about the wolves with glowing red eyes (monsters with these written features almost reads cliche to me) but when it is revealed that the wolves are really robots (not quite sure why they are under wolves clothing) and then we enter into Utopia I'm puzzled.

    After all, what is an 'age of reason' and the loss of imagination really effective when the eyes are opened to the equivalent, if not a little more than Fritz Lang's Metropolis or Disney's Tommorowland? If anything, it's not exactly so and the imagination - adventure is really just starting.

    That all said, I liked it.


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    #12
    Senior Member Rustom Irani's Avatar
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    Aw man, this ends much, much before I want it to! I can actually read your struggle in deciding how much exposition and visuals were important to the plot and how much could you get away with whilst still giving this some structure.

    The set-up with both characters, their immediate conflict and the world, works without too much explanation for the conclaves, a post-apocalyptic Vegas and robotic beasts. I am intrigued and do empathise with their peril.

    The end just feels like you running out of space and since they haven’t really, and I mean high dramatic stakes kinda “really” earned the utopia reward, I feel a bit letdown.

    Sure, they strive forth despite dangers and the conversation at night hints at it, I still would prefer some more concrete action on their part.

    Expand this, with all the others in your kitty you’ve got a great series of ideas for multiple features.

    Write ‘em brother! J
    1st Place, Scriptfest X: TrappedFest - Glued

    2nd Place, ScriptFest IV: Western - The Patch-up Kid

    3rd Place, ScriptFest V: MonsterFest - Brr
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    #13
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Thanks Rusty. This is a called a first draft. But yeah I see what you mean, every idea I came up with was too big. I'm really working on feature ideas lately.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #14
    Senior Member Rustom Irani's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_Keaton View Post
    This is a called a first draft.
    Is that a typo or a really bad a Italian accent? :P

    If that's a first draft mine's an idea on a paper napkin.
    1st Place, Scriptfest X: TrappedFest - Glued

    2nd Place, ScriptFest IV: Western - The Patch-up Kid

    3rd Place, ScriptFest V: MonsterFest - Brr
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    #15
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rustom Irani View Post
    Is that a typo or a really bad a Italian accent? :P

    If that's a first draft mine's an idea on a paper napkin.
    That reply was a rough draft.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #16
    Senior Member Sarah Daly's Avatar
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    Well! Chris I do believe you've made me think I like this a lot - the metaphorical sci-fi stuff is right up my alley. You established your conflict right bam at the beginning and carried it through to the final revelation. Gotta say that a myth-laiden rural conclave sounds a lot more utopian to me than a monorailed metropolis hehe but it takes all sorts :P I liked that you aid something with this and it managed to be tense and entertaining at the same time. Nice job!


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    #17
    Member dtroop506's Avatar
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    Chris,

    This is my last review for the contest. It seems as if everyone already commented on your screenplay and touched all the bases. There is really nothing more to add except that I really enjoyed your script. It showed much imagination. While I am not the best judge of this genre, I did appreciate what you accomplished.
    Nice work.


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