Thread: Truth or Dare

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    #11
    Senior Member Bill Clar's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
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    The names Lucille and Lindsay are too similar. It can lead to confusion.

    This reads like a short story. You're telling us a character's thoughts rather than showing us, ie: "Marny is unconvinced.", "This upsets Marny", "The other girls get the message."

    "Marly"? I assume it's a typo.

    Several typos.

    Remove the lines "A beat". Let the actors and director determine the pace.

    Good suspense when Marny approaches the door.

    I'm unsure of your ending. I'm assuming it was a seance, but I can't find a reason for the old man being arrested. Who is he?

    Your format errors are easily corrected, but overall you have a suspenseful tale. Just flesh out the ending and give us a few more clues.
    So, you hate your job? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYONE. We meet at the bar at 5:00.


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    #12
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    Good job here, I liked the twist at the end. It leaves a lot unexplained, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Some typos and such need fixed, and there don't need to be so many extra characters, but other than that, this was a pretty solid script. Again, good job!

    -JMT
    "Trying to make a movie in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it." - Douglas Adams


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