Thread: Homeroom

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    #11
    Member DarrenJSeeley's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
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    Michigan, USA
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    This piece was okay, simple and to the point. I thought the dialog was a bit weak, though. The only way to tell the young folks apart is a stuttering "nerd" which isn't handled that well in dialog. The wrylies were a problem...that all out of the way...I would add an extra element...have the classroom on a second floor or...no windows.


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    #12
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    "Let us in! Somebody's killing everyone!"

    This is already obvious, so the "somebody's killing everyone" part of this dialogue is completely unnecessary (and on-the-nose). Kind of an interesting twist on the usual high school shooting story, and generally well-written, though the ending went on too long. After the reveal, it should have been a short trip to the finish. Regardless, you did a good job of building tension and the ending had a bittersweet feel to it, particularly given the tragic cultural weight behind school shootings.

    -JMT
    "Trying to make a movie in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it." - Douglas Adams


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