Thread: Glued

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    Glued
    #1
    Senior Member Rustom Irani's Avatar
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    Logline: Bernie wakes up one morning and finds himself glued to his trailer-home floor, with his wife and kid only a few feet away.

    Glued 1.jpg
    1st Place, Scriptfest X: TrappedFest - Glued

    2nd Place, ScriptFest IV: Western - The Patch-up Kid

    3rd Place, ScriptFest V: MonsterFest - Brr
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    #2
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Lol, what a great idea. Welcome back!
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #3
    Senior Member Rustom Irani's Avatar
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    Thanks for keeping Scriptfest alive! Your effort, the theme and the incentive of a prize is what brought me back.
    1st Place, Scriptfest X: TrappedFest - Glued

    2nd Place, ScriptFest IV: Western - The Patch-up Kid

    3rd Place, ScriptFest V: MonsterFest - Brr
    ______________________________________________
    Website | Blog


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    #4
    Senior Member MML's Avatar
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    Dawww...love the idea, very cool poster. Can't wait to read it!!!


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    #5
    Senior Member Rustom Irani's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MML View Post
    Dawww...love the idea, very cool poster. Can't wait to read it!!!
    Thanks, Marnie! Looking forward to read yours too. This is my first short script after September 2010. All credit for the poster goes to an animator friend who also does awesome storyboards.
    1st Place, Scriptfest X: TrappedFest - Glued

    2nd Place, ScriptFest IV: Western - The Patch-up Kid

    3rd Place, ScriptFest V: MonsterFest - Brr
    ______________________________________________
    Website | Blog


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    #6
    Senior Member MML's Avatar
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    You are a sick and twisted man Rusti. LOL. That was great. I do beieve you done spent some time in a trailer park to get that lingo down so darn perfect like. The dialog was the best part. Love them eating waffles all nonchalant while Bernie's head gets blown off. Sick...twisted.

    So...teen pregnancy at it's worst if Mama is 20 and the kid is 6. She had him at 14. Yeeha!

    Great job! I really loved it. Totally filmable too.


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    #7
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Rustom,

    As always mate, a good read. Thanks.

    Good:
    Good characters.
    Goos trapped situation.
    Nice little twist about the kid and the cartoons.
    Kudos for the research into dialogue, and effort into backgounds on the characters.
    Nice explosive ending.

    Not so good:
    The only thing that was a little annoying were the double dashes. There was a lot of them. I much prefer to allow the actors to decide on the interruptions, or the Director. Our job is to get the information across.

    As always Rustom, well constructed story and a good read. Well done.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #8
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    What the hell!? We got us a real live Rustus Trailaparkus on our hands! Where did you learn how poor white people talk??? Because I hate to feed your bloated ego but…boy you nailed it. I was trying to convince myself you just got lucky but then came the trademark hungover white trash anthem: “you know how I get.” So beautiful.

    I must admit, I thought this was a pretty damn cool piece of work. Very sick. Great images.
    Using the images of the dad pulling away from the floor…the pain, his savagery…what a GREAT way to build tension. HIGH STAKES. I like it. LOVE it.

    I found the cigarette burn on the TOUNGUE to be a little hiccup…I think it can be more jarring if it’s just on a side of him we haven’t seen yet…I don’t know, have him give his dad the bird and have his hand and forearm covered in burns or something. I just had to pause and try to figure out how he would have gotten at the boys tongue…you had the ball rolling TOO WELL at that point to slow anything down. Just my opinion.

    Nice work. Glad to see you found your muse…even if she is a trailer park prinsssesss…


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    #9
    Senior Member Sunk99's Avatar
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    GLUED by Rustom Irani

    Overall: 8
    Plot: 8
    Characters: 9
    Dialogue: 6
    Theme:
    Structure: 7
    Originality: 9
    Style/Quality of Writing: 7
    Entertainment Value: 7
    Cinematic Quality: 6

    Synopsis: A drunken, trailer trash, wife beater, and child abuser is
    drugged by his wife and epoxied to the floor. There is a fishing line,
    which appears to have tripped him. Later we learn it is attached to a
    shotgun. He tears off skin to escape - boom.

    Comments:
    Pg 1
    ***Is Bernie under the sink repairing it?
    ***Okay I know see he is knocked out on the floor and glued to it?
    towards,
    ***Second time for this use of a comma. Dash instead.
    Pg 2
    I'm loving the visuals and dialogue.
    Nothing.
    ***Was she shocked?
    folks at the construction site will be here.
    ***Realistic?
    Pg 3
    You’d do this to me? The guy who works hard and puts food on the table--
    ***Again realistic?
    Kid raises
    ***The lack of a name each time makes me stumble reading.
    Pg 5
    A large cigarette burn wound covers most of his pink tongue.
    ***Would he taunt someone, even glued down, who burned his tongue?
    ***Whoa - what an ending. Sick. The story has much potential if
    the dialogue was edited. I'm not sure who the audience would be.
    Good imagination and characters.


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    #10
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    This was really good. Really well written. Dialog was sharp and realistic. Everything just flowed really well.

    Early on I was confused about how he was glued and what he was glued to. I still don't know lol.

    I really liked the story of getting vengeance on this guy and seeing the cigarette burn on the kid's tongue definitely fueled this more.

    The final image was very suiting. Closed the film really well.

    Great job. Top 5.


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