Thread: Animal control

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    #11
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    19
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    I don't have much to add here. You are obviously a fine writer and I have no quibbles about your art. I guess I found Leon's actions at the end implausible. i mean, here's a girl who has been sexually attacked, gagged with a filthy rag, tied up with barbed wire. Surely, Leon would expect that Kristen would transition into survival mode and do anything to escape. The fact that he lets her go only to be subdued just doesn't add up for me. Thanks for the read, I really like your style.


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    #12
    Member DarrenJSeeley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Michigan, USA
    Posts
    65
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    I rather liked this a bit, even though the trapped bit seemed a bit on the thin side. I was also hoping for a bit more of a struggle between Leon and Kristen. Leon went a bit over the top at the end, but it was enough not to bug me too much. One of the best entries here. I'm glad the page went back up!


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    #13
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    This was very well-written. The story didn't blow me away, but then, it didn't have to. The writing was fluid and concise, it kept me moving right along. You did a great job of making the apt manager creepy, though some of the "she's creeped out by him" type of action text could be removed. Overall, a very nice read.

    -JMT
    "Trying to make a movie in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it." - Douglas Adams


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