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    Senior Member thetvirus513's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    Southern Cal & Minnesota

    I enjoyed this one and am impressed you were able to put something together that was 3 minutes! (or maybe it was 4? either way impressive)

    What I liked a lot - the lighting was very nice, I especially liked the light reflecting off of the knife after she pulled it out. I liked the shot of the bowl on the floor and shifting focus to the lead. Also, I really liked the shot of here feet/legs inching along the wall, that shot alone built a lot of tension for me. Also, I loved the addition of the nail marks on the floor at the end, AWESOME!

    What I didn't like as much - There seemed to be a lot of sound issues, dialogue not synced, shots where the actress is clearly talking where there is no dialogue, and all of the girls lines were only coming through one speaker for me. I know your thread went up last minute so I would assume this was thrown together somewhat quickly, but that stuff was obviously really distracting. fix those things and it will really help build tension and tighten up everything. I wasn't a huge fan of the man's voice he didn't seem very genuine to me, seems like he should be more afraid, but that could easily be just me.

    Now here is where I contradict myself. I am a huge fan of a short concise story for these fests. For this though I felt like I was missing something. I feel like there wasn't too much closure since we don't "see" a monster (which can be a good thing) but then on the front side I feel like we were just thrown in to this already very developed scene. You had another 3 (or maybe it was 2) minutes to use and I would have loved to have some more especially on the front end setting this whole thing up.

    All in all the cinematography was really nice and I liked the aspect ratio, and that is why I would love to see more!
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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    Tucson, AZ
    Nice, tentacles? Uh, whatever those things were that grabbed the girl, real creepy. Although I think I may have laughed more than you intended...especially with the 'Signs' line "They have a problem with doors".

    I was left wanting to know more, but in an unsatisfied way. Since we were tossed in the middle I thought we would get more info or at least a glimpse of the monster. Overall nice job.
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    Senior Member Edgen's Avatar
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    Mar 2006
    ATX | LA
    Nice look and feel, but after seeing the end I felt so damn cheated. Was this entry finished? Was it behind on time? I don't know nor do I care. A film is what is by the published version. So... I'm curious to see why this film was made and what story was behind it. The film tells absolutely nothing about the lead character and shows her creeping around the house. It felt as if it were an opening to a film that left all the questions unanswered. Why was she there? Who was on the other line?

    I think there were some good technical aspects of the film in terms of lighting and mood, but it stopped there.

    Throw some shots of pictures to establish some backstory, add radio broadcast of an invasion or police scanner... have her on the phone a bit longer and let us get pulled in with your lead actress. Make me want to not want her to die but to dodge every nook and cranny. Lastly.. Don't let her from a director's standpoint (or a physical character) turn her away from the one place she dares not to go.

    I see potential in your abilities but the film fell flat as much as I wanted to see her fall flat to the floor.


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    Senior Member ZazaCast's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
    Upstate New York
    Other then the audio & sync issues, I really enjoyed this film! For me, you did a good job creating tension...sure there are a lot of questions as far as the story line (if the thing got out, why does she head into the bathroom, etc..) but hey, it's a short and there should be questions. Always leave them wanting more. Plenty of pretty shots, camera movement and rack focus....all good stuff that adds to the impact. I think the only thing that bugged me was why does she keep grabbing the BLADE of the knife?....OUCH! Then... she had the knife in her hand, but once the 'thing' grabs her's gone? She could have just cut it off...right?

    Either way, I liked the film. Be sure to take all these comments with a grain of salt, some here consider themselves the end-all aficionado of film. Keep doing what you're doing. I look forward to future films from you!
    Congrats to the cast & crew on a job well done. Thanks for sharing....

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    The very "known" sound only coming from one side "error".... Don't blame yourself...there's a raison there are soundmixers.... Who take care of the sound being in the middle, or left or right when needed.
    You're not the first one and definitely not the last one who it happens... For me it would be the biggest mistake I ever made... But for you, well... just to bad...and if you do things fast fast and don't have time to double check but still want to enter, these things happen.

    But if you don't make mistakes you would think "haaa, everything goes nice and easy".

    Dialogues come out of the center speaker. But in only L and R setup (2 speakers, left right), the middle is what's called (or in Belgium at least) "ghost middle". So that's one track only, panned in the middle. If the other track is the same, you can just delete that one. But watch out if you've recored for example "boom left" and "wireless right". Then you have pan them both in the middle...and hear. Because a boom and wireless mic which are open simultaneously will sound very strange.

    But I'm talking to much now, I should continue watching :-p

    It starts good, in the middle of the action, no "bulls*%t" with a looooooooooooooong introduction.

    The sound of the knife is nice... if it's the real sound or not...that doesn't matter...

    Who "throwed" the cup ? :-p It's funny it turns so long...and it gives some "suspens"...the "waiting" suspens.

    Shot around 2:29..... Was not needed...or just "a step", but now it's an empty shot with the intense of a step.

    The nails in the floor are nice... I suppose this was VFX ? :-p

    Some tweaking in the edit I think... and then I'm talking about "a few frames".

    In general I liked to watch it, the story was good, not to long.

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    Senior Member Hawk Teflon's Avatar
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    Nov 2005
    Yukon, Oklahoma
    How did I miss this short my first day watching?! Well...


    The good: Looks like you were able to pull off a short with one role cast. Not easy. I like how we don't know what's back there. We just start late in the game. The shots looked good for the most part. I would have liked to have seen some ECU's, though. I liked the fingernails on the wood floor. The music worked very well with this.

    The not as good: The lighting temperatures seemed to change on her. It went from warm to cold to warm again. There was a weird sync issue as she came back from the door the first time. The shot of the phone looked like it was slowed down to about 50%. The timer wasn't ticking right. Why didn't it attack her from the beginning? Why did it crawl away only to get her in a minute? What was with the bowl? There was a weird cut around 2:27 that almost showed her leg. Didn't really need to be in there. It also looked like she was pushing off the ground instead of being pulled at first.

    All in all, good job!

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    Senior Member Sunk99's Avatar
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    Apr 2011
    Voice sync issue :53. Wait - she had something locked up she was afraid of and the door wasn't locked?
    Guess it couldn't be as there is no lock on the outside. Would a female do that? Even it were a mouse?
    Only on the phone for seconds, shows 2:32 minutes at 1:13. So the door is open requiring a knife and she has her back to it?
    Uh - run! Is that a bread knife she grabbed? So it is somehow behind her - snuck past somehow?
    She's lassoed and the knife disappeared. Dragged off. Good acting, cine. Story needs work as it's only a clip.
    Just a little explanation would have made a huge difference. Good job.

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    cool little "title" Charli's Avatar
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    Jan 2006
    The Freakin' Desert
    She talks to a cell phone. No interaction with any other actor. She has something trapped in a room. She acts like she doesn't know what to do. I'm a girl, here's what girls do -- we RUN! We get out of the apartment/house/condo and we don't look back. We call cops, fire, neighbors, friends, but we run.

    There was nothing here to hold my interest and to have her die at the end, serves her right for not running. Not believable.
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    Senior Member Mobie540's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    Phoenix, AZ
    Simple, effective, this one worked well. A little bit tense of a tense moment. Protag did a good job of being the victim. I was hoping to see more of the monster at the end. Some audio sync issues and the phone audio need some work. I liked this one a lot.

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    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Mar 2006
    Hey there! Yep I mean the film utilised a very modest set up, that can actually work very well for building suspense. The 'doors' line was kinda cute and amusing, it did also create that oh so important sense of enigma that grabs our attention. However... engima (as it shall be chisselled onto JJ Abrams souless torso) demands a high price from the storyteller - and i think the difficulty your story had in delivering a sense of satisfaction with the monster - perhaps leaves us with a cheated impression?

    I think also we're forced to suspend our disbelief that little bit more - because our girl is so volantary in her self-destruction! There she is running around the house screaming 'i'm a martyr for art' and then we get a giant liquorice bootlace nab her ankle and the....




    dragaway shot (it comes in the same xmas cracker as the demon face warp) which isnt to say they can't be used atm but without a weight of substance (we're talking with the density of a black hole) their just not gonna work. I wonder if the inspiration for the style/execution for this film might not have benefited from a wider reach for ideas (not to sound cheeky but it seems so much the stuff of tv shows etc?)

    the low hanging fruit etc?

    So overall for me, a competent and quite entertaining film, but as a short film that could have been memorable and decisive with its impression and premise, an opportunity lost perhaps (and to be soon fulfilled i hope!)
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