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    #11
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    She put that whole thing in her mouth!!!

    Now someone will believe this stuff happens.

    Was it scary, not really, it was cute though. I think it played out too straight forward, we knew what was going to happen and then it happened. Make your stories more of a rollercoaster, everyone loves rollercoasters. Nice job overall!
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    #12
    Senior Member Edgen's Avatar
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    Thanks Joe and Amber.

    opening shot I thought the film was going to be clever with a analogy of women's razors + Girls are from mars candy bar joke, but completely went another direction.

    i applaud the efforts but fell dead like the actress in the end.

    This was one of those films that got to the blood on the floor in the end and I said to myself, "Please let this not be the end.. Please let there be more.."

    and there was no more.

    & //end

    /j


    justin r. durban -
    yup & yup.



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    #13
    Senior Member Imaginate's Avatar
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    Props to your actor for her death scene, that was some pretty good blood spitting and gagging, all of the characters were underused. There's a story there for sure with the razorblades and candy, but we only had a villain and a victim with no real story. Next festival take your ideas and team up with a writer who can help create characters that people care about.
    Garnet Campbell - RedAnt Film Development
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    #14
    cool little "title" Charli's Avatar
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    Putting a razor blade in mouth would have cut her mouth. She then would immediately remove the candy-blade and go to hospital. No way she could have swallowed the blade, not even partly because the whole blade was placed in candy. Better to have cut the blade into pieces, then as she gulped, the esophagus would have torn.

    It's all in the details. It was okay but really not enough story to keep me motivated.
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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    #15
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    This boils down to a public health film on the dangers of swallowing Halloween candy with razor blades inside.
    I guess I didn't appreciate to rather smirky attitude this film displayed, kind of like an inside joke that the rest of the world isn't smart enough to get.
    No real story, no delivery.
    The babysitter was mildly funny. Whoever furnished the apartment gets kudos for minimalist decorating.
    Hey, you made a film. More than many can say.
    Work on story and acting a bit more next time.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #16
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    Excellent way to use the line. One shot thought your sticks were in shot then realized it was lamp.


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    #17
    Mod v2.0 Noel Evans's Avatar
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    Quick review.

    I licked the set up to the little girl getting the candy. Although at that point I knew where it would go, nonetheless I watched it thinking "this really could be so easy for someone to do" - thats scary right there.
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    #18
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    I mean hey my viewing party liked the hot lady in the fetish nurses outfit, it gets props for that, and the Gallio style razor in a cake cam viewpoint was amusing and actually rarely appllied in films here. SO - I wonder if your a bit of a Dario Argento fan and if not, i'd suggest checking out 'Deep Red' for something that you might find helpful as a very artistic and very grotesque extention of the ideas you play with in this short.

    As it is its more like a little test or play with some ideas and things rather than a completed short, but then that is how every filmmakers journey begins (be that the first or next chapter)
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