Thread: Overcome

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    #11
    Senior Member Ryan Farnes's Avatar
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    Things look good now?


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    #12
    Senior Member thetvirus513's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan Farnes View Post
    Things look good now?
    Yep! Really like the poster
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    #13
    Senior Member Ryan Farnes's Avatar
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    Trailer now up.


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    #14
    Senior Member AJ Brooks's Avatar
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    Nice. Love the locale.


    AJ Brooks - Writer / Director


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    #16
    Senior Member Hawk Teflon's Avatar
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    SPOILER REVIEW: Do not read further until you have watched the short.

    The good: The narrator! You guys nailed it with that pick. GREAT voice for this! People may say you took the easy way out having a narrator, but it worked here. The entire opening scene was great as well. I liked the way everything looked. I also like the way this was cut. Most of the shorts just have shot to shot cuts with nothing interlaced (I am guilty of that one). You had a shot of the moon covered in clouds to reveal the moon closer. Very nice. I also like the costuming. Kind of reminded me of The Village, but in a good way. The last magic effect was done well, too (as was the "smoke" on the guy). Oh, and lastly, the composer for this did a fantastic job.

    The not as good: There was very little climax in the story. The character was scared so he ran, learned magic, then used it. There needs to be more climax building up.

    Favorite part: The narrator. That guy seriously nailed it!


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    #17
    Senior Member thetvirus513's Avatar
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    Alright, I liked this one, definitely something to be proud of.

    What I liked - The narrator was awesome, totally fit the mood you were going for. Also, the score was VERY well done, it added a lot to the story and the environment. I really liked your costuming as well. Also, some of your shots were very nice.

    What I didn't like as much - Preface by saying that after writing this part it seems long, but actually there are some positives in here as well (also my side note below) so really its not that much I didn't like!

    First, I loved the costume he had for parts of it, but when outside you covered it up with what seems to be a bedsheet or something. In my opinion if I had an awesome costume that really helped set the time I would show it off. I liked the narrator a lot, don't get me wrong, but I am not usually a fan of films that only have a narrator, no dialogue, no other real audio. Not that it can't work, but I just feel like is is always missing something, and it can come off as an "easy way out"


    SIDE NOTE - I had a teacher for one of my classes that was very intent on not letting us use a narrator as he viewed dialogue recording as a crucial part of film making (which of course it is) and saw using a narrator as "cheating" more or less. Of course this was sometimes difficult/annoying, but in the end I respect him for it. So, obviously my opinion may be a bit slanted, so take it with a grain of salt. It definitely worked for the film, I just have an auto-bias

    One part I think could be changed a little. He says he was frightened by this creature and had to flee , but then he hardly seems to be running away which is a little weird but whatever, however after he stops to catch his breath he then leaves the frame and you stay on the tree for a couple seconds. I think you could cut those couple seconds.


    Well done overall! good work!
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    #18
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    A few things I notice:

    The sound (the wind, the crickets) was it the real sound, the sound that was there during recording ? Or did you add it later.
    Between the long shot and a closer shot at the beginning I hear a "cut" in sound. The sound suddenly going lower. And also a small "whoos" sound (from wind or so).

    The "medium" around 00:32, is it a digital zoom ? Done in your editing program ?

    As said before: the narrator is good, a good voice, clear...not to much accent (wel ok..as far as I know....I do can distinguish Texas from New York :-p)

    At 00:52, is he turning his head because it's in the script ? Or was he going to turn and shout "is it ok ????" :-p (just wondering)

    It's good there are other sounds then the VO and music (the wind, the crickets...)

    You did some Foley also ?

    So he has "powers"....it's weird in a way he uses them now...and not the "meeting" before...

    I like the idea of the story, it' s not the "typcal" "whaaaaaaaaaaaa there's a spiritual chicken in my kitchen whaaaaaa !!!".

    I do think also that during the editing you said to yourself: "I wish I had more shots, I wish I had more shots" ?

    But I've watched it from start till end, so that means I liked to watch it.

    And it has also 100% music, but here it fits. And also because there are some other sounds.
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    #19
    Senior Member Sunk99's Avatar
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    Wow what a cool narrator voice! And look at that house! Don't tell me you are able to film there? Not sure the person in white was needed. That is one long transition at 1:45. Okay I see why the sheet/robe isn't working - too modern. Gray it up. Okay you finally show the actors face at 2:14. So why hide him before? 2:26 - "A creature" - uhh how about an evil black demon guy - run! Cool effect. He did run, but not like he should have with a demon on his six. Sort of odd - chased, then calm studying. Another long trans at 4:00. Okay more great landscapes. I love your establishing shots of the grounds, house, sky. Story? The flame at 5:06 didn't appear to come from within him. Blasted the bad guy in one shot? Kinda anti-climatic. Good cine - story needs fleshed out. Good entry.


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    #20
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    I think you capture the feel you wanted, but the 6 minutes didn't lend itself to fully use it. It's honestly really hard to make a fully compelling short in this amount of time and i was rooting for you the whole time. But as others may have said it just fizzled and I blame that on being too straight forward. We knew what he was going to do and he did it. There was nothing keeping us on the edge of our seats. But it was close. Good job!
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