Thread: Overcome

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    #31
    Senior Member Ryan Farnes's Avatar
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    Thanks for the comments guys. I couldn't agree more with most of them. As much as I feel like I have some robust technical skills, story telling and writing are definitely areas I need to improve or collaborate on.


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    #32
    Senior Member JaceBrownlow's Avatar
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    The narration was flipping fantastic! The overall feeling of the film was very cinematic (Think I would have used a few more dolly shots). Some spiffy effects and also you had some really nice music for this one! the only thing I would have changed would be maybe a few dolly shots, and some neat color grading (something fantast-ish like gold) Overall I really really liked it a lot, probably in my top 3. A solid 9/10!


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    #33
    Senior Member Matt Harris's Avatar
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    Ryan, you have some really nice production value in Overcome. I love the location, the costumes, the score and the overall concept.
    Noone has pointed out yet, the great narration. I love establishing shots, and you have about 4 minutes worth! Your cinematography is beautiful as well as the editing of the house, clouds, landscapes etc.

    When the black cloaked bad guy appears the first time, it would have been more intense had he started shooting black thunderbolts at our hero as our hero runs through the woods. The black thunderbolts exploding around him until he makes his way to safety.

    Then when our hero studies, maybe we see him not only reading books, but practicing and developing his powers. Maybe in one of the books, the hero reads a special "trick" on how to ward off evil. By trick i mean Mr. Miagi's crane kick, or Stallone's secret arm wrestling technique in "over the top".

    Then when the two meet at the end, they both unleash their magic upon each other. the black cloaked bad guy is too powerful and is about to kill the good guy, but the good guy uses his special magical technique to turn the tides at the last second and defeats the bad guy.

    What I'm getting at is, next time, write your story, but then go back to it and say "how can i make this more intense, what can i add to make this connect more?"

    the story here, despite the great narration, felt like a first draft.

    I really liked your short though, not trying to be harsh, just trying to help!
    Matt Harris
    Director / Composer / Colorist / Motion graphics
    http://www.imdb.me/matthewrichardharris

    DVXFEST ENTRIES: GLASSJAW / CABIN / CLARA / THE SOLUTION / LAKE WICWAS / BACKFIRE
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    #34
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    I quite liked this entry Ryan, i think some of the room for improvement some have identified has already been discussed! So i'll try to be brief! (try!!)

    I liked the elegance and otherworldlyness of the film, this is not the kind of film you normally see entered in dvx, - this is actually cinematic, for its shots and choice of location and traditional production value. It feels epic and it looks epic and heck with the dude's voice over it even sounds

    EPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCC!

    I've always been a fan of Lovecraftian fiction, and occult horror etc, and I was quite delighted with the historical metaphysical take in the story. Looking a bit like Barry Lyndon with a hint of Daaagon (or could it!!!)

    Well maybe not Dagon - i think where this film very bizarrely struggles is with the appearance and disappearance of your hooded figure (its not a euphonism i meant your monster) no no i meant...

    The black robed figure with mysterious smoke - now...

    I'm imagining you blowing the dust off your faithful copy of the Necromonicon... imagining that foggy estates of lands lost to time and memory, of arcane mysteries and dark dealings.... and then WHAM!!!! In between God and a can of Doctor Pepper, you decide....

    THE MONSTER IS GONNA DRESS IN BLACK AND MAKE SOME SMOKE AND WALK KINDA SLOW WITH NO DISCNERNABLE SENSE OF THREAT!

    That's even more audacious than Andy Warhol's Empire, except that film moved faster than this movies villain!

    This is where your film failed to create any suspense (for me) and left me kind of quizzical when we saw the monster again (with no suspense) only to find him well easily defeated.

    Other than that your film was lovely, nicely written, had a good story arc etc etc.

    The craftsmanship though for building a scene of suspense was just absent - I wonder though if you could not perhaps just edit out the smoke... let the shots linger and utilise some awseome sound design....

    wait i sense a link coming.... First part of an awseome supernatural thriller you can't get on DVD which i reckon might have some scenes that might inspire a helpful re-edit for your monster!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6jAM-aQLbc
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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    #35
    Senior Member Ryan Farnes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lawriejaffa View Post
    A great suggestion. The scene where he sees her in the graveyard was exactly what I was trying to do...

    It is interesting how each substantial project broadens one's horizon and perspective.


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