Thread: Death By Cop

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    #21
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mobie540 View Post
    Not sure how I feel about this one. Starting with the preview of the last scene first, you always have to keep that in mind when you read. So I kept thinking about the gun in his hand, is he going to shoot his wife or himself? So after seeing the couple's relationship wasn't ever in question the life insurance became a little predictable. You did get me with a little misdirection with the toy gun and the cops.

    The scenes in the toy store was the same scene just running parallel to everything else?

    Great job overall.
    Good job overall.

    Not sure how I feel about this review.

    Great review overall.
    Good review overall.

    I laughed my ass off at this.
    All kidding aside, thanks for the read.
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    #22
    Senior Member simonpwood's Avatar
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    Atmospheric script. Lots of good visual clues to fill in the background story.

    Just 2 things: -

    - I would say the title kind of gives it away (presumably it would be changed, or that was the idea to let the audience know what was coming)?
    - Death by cop would be considered suicide, so his family would not get the insurance I think?

    Anyway, I think this would make a great short movie, and your script is so visual that I can see it running in my mind (looks pretty good actually!).


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    #23
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    @simonpwood Thanks for the read. This has actually happened multiple times. It baffles me, but when they call the crime scene, sometimes they don't have all the facts. Imagine that... Ha. The title is supposed to give it away. Good observation. Fully intended. I'm not hiding that. I'm showing it. Dude, thanks so much for the detailed compliments. Always nice to hear.
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    #24
    Member BasilSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jasonthewho View Post
    The pills scene in the bathroom was particularly strong. Nice details. It felt realistic and moving.
    I agree, and I should have mentioned that. At the time I was too busy wondering if the little girl was a ghost.


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    #25
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Much thanks. Back in the 80's my buddy's dad did this to himself, but instead of Death by Cop he just OD'd on pills and booze. He told me about walking in on his old man crying on the floor when he was a kid and it just ruined his hero image of his father. I never forgot when he told me.. You know when stuff just BURNS into your head and you carry it for years? Finally I found a place to put it.

    I have another buddy who had his hand blown off in Iraq and the US Military won't pay his insurance.. They keep denying his claim and he had to move his family from their house to an apartment. Lost his mortgage, job, etc. He's still battling for his compensation that he is entitled to. I just kinda combined the two to make this... Life is so much more dramatic and interesting than anything else.
    I imagine him resentfully packing his Purple Heart into a box as he and his family pull out of their driveway. For the last time. Luckily my biddy is way to angry to kill himself. He would be happy to have a go at a few of the top brass, I'm sure...
    Last edited by Anthony Todaro; 09-15-2011 at 11:16 AM.
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    #26
    Member BasilSunshine's Avatar
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    Oh man, yeah I know what you mean. There's no way that image could ever leave a person.

    And that's awful about the government not paying your friend's insurance... He lost his hand for crying out loud! That makes me clear sick.

    You should write the scene you describe. It's so awful that this could happen to someone. Bless him and his family.


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