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    Senior Member Elton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris Messineo View Post
    (although if I'm not mistaken you repeat the shot of them driving past the same tree).
    It was part homage to 'The Flintstones' too. Gotta recycle that background when ya gots no time!


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    Senior Member Dahopafilms's Avatar
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    Yeah OK - being an alien (as least according to Homeland Security), I felt remarkably qualified to provide some comments on this. I have not read the other posts as so forgive me if I am repeating others' views or if I have just got it totally wrong.

    Here are the good bits:
    • The photography was great. Really nice job (I love cranes)
    • The sound was OK - but I am listening on a pair of crappy built-in laptop speakers so perhaps it was cleaner than it should have been
    • The snatch and go shot of the alien was terrific - nicely done (but see balancing view, below)
    • Period pieces are ambitious - hats off (sorry) to you for embarking on this

    The are the bits that didn't really grab me:
    • There were bits of the period "dressing" that I was not too sure about - the length of the man's hair (should have been much shorter - tapered?), the use of a button down collar (too casual? - but then again you cleverly anticipated that comment and swapped it out for an arrow collar part way through - losing continuity in the process) and (I really hate to say it) the car didn't look "new" enough
    • I lost the ending. There is the reveal shot with the alien and then there is an intervening shot which was almost totally lost on my screen and then the shot of the flashlight dropping. That intermediate shot was totally lost on me - was he running? Dancing? Standing there? Bummed the ending for me (at least on this horrid screen - and remember that there is LOTS of sun here, so it might be the equipment)
    • It got off to too slow a start. Almost like you fell in love with the car scenes at the expense of the story. You could have gone further faster (story of my life)
    • Why the "creakiness" of the trunk? It was a new car - should have been pristene - or at least oiled. Lose the closeup shots that show the age of the car - cheat it by keeping further away at the expense of the art shots
    • Why not work in some reasons for the events - Why the hat? Why take his bride to hunt for an alien (even if the odds of it being a real one were slim)? Why so glum if it was the happiest day of his life (at least for him) ...?
    • Why was he using the flashlight before it was even dark? That, to me, was weird. Especially after it gets really dark and he's hunting for his bride, the flashlight is off when he returns to the car - at the very moment when presumably he should have wanted it on
    • The "BUM-BUM" music when we have the POV of the creature seeing the bride was a bit over the top for me - sorry

    Having said all of that, let's have more, please.

    More cranes. More story. More wheat fields.

    Less "BUM-BUM"

    Well done.

    Best,

    (I now drop off these boards for another couple of years. Or until I receive another secret signal that I am needed)
    God: Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"... (Monty Python and the Holy Grail, 1975)


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    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Elton you've presented this film with great humility, with full recognition of its imperfect state and with a great deal of maturity in listening towards folks critiques of the film and suggestions for improvement.

    I don't think there is much more that i can add for the film itself (folks have covered it, the boot scene, odd behavioural traits of the husband/wife) the sumptuous cinematography. Its such a mix of little contradictions and yet it stands out as a unique film in this festival. Great work to your team and i hope the lessons learned from it propel you to kick greater ass on the next movie
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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    cool little "title" Charli's Avatar
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    Dahopa - thank you for taking a break for the severe harsh island lifestyle to comment on this short. Wow! I love your critique. You saw things I missed, but I'm too close to it. Thanks, buddy. You simply rock!

    Law - thank you for the comments and for watching. We're hoping to make it tighter these next two weeks.
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
    Portfolio of an Entertainment Blogger


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    Looks like a great flick, would love to see it. When will you post it?


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