Thread: Never Let Go

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    #21
    Junior Member
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    Sep 2011
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    Phoenix, Arizona USA
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    I'm trying to do this with you staring at from the page, you look sad, like this happened to you. Anyway, averting my eyes from you stare:

    The mother daughter relationship needs conflict -- there really is none in the story. Conflict is not necessarily bad, it could just be different views.

    I would expect Mom to be more of a leader here. She is trying to pull Christina (and herself) through a tough time. She accepts that Dad is gone but needs to help her daughter with the loss.

    In the opening scene, Christina sticks her tongue out at Mom and Mom does it right back with a smile. She shows -- not tells -- Dana what's for supper -- "I've got a pot of wonderful Irish stew here, come have some." She takes the little girl's hand and pulls her to the table. Leave Christina in her mood, she resists.

    The dialog as well is emotionless and honestly not at all how people really sound.

    Also I would not bother trying to hide the fact that Dad is dead. Let it out and build on it. So he is gone -- or is he really?

    Let the reveal that Dad is present, somehow, come while she is flying the kite, then it all comes together.

    I know it seems easy for some like me to tell you how to do your script, But I was where you were once and it helps, though it may not fell good. Besides, when you sell a script to some big time movie mogul he's going to change it all around anyway.


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    #22
    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    Nov 2009
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    Thanks for the look, whoever you are.
    Last edited by KhamIsk; 09-25-2011 at 08:19 PM.


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