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    The Death of Superman
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    Senior Member Mobie540's Avatar
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    A young man comes of age and discovers the fragility of life and the strength of love.

    Poster by taylormade
    Attached Images Attached Images


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    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    That sure is interesting! So the superman has a father? Or the superman is the father?


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    Senior Member Matt Harris's Avatar
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    Nice, looking forward to the reading.
    Matt Harris
    Director / Composer / Colorist / Motion graphics
    http://www.imdb.me/matthewrichardharris

    DVXFEST ENTRIES: GLASSJAW / CABIN / CLARA / THE SOLUTION / LAKE WICWAS / BACKFIRE
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    #4
    Senior Member Mobie540's Avatar
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    Thanks and thanks.

    I need some one talented to possibly help me out with a poster? Takers?


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    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Blind guess... It's like when you find out there's no Santa Clause. I hated when I found that out!
    Looks like you managed to get a cool poster after all.
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
    Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.


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    Senior Member Mobie540's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anthony Todaro View Post
    Blind guess... It's like when you find out there's no Santa Clause. I hated when I found that out!
    Looks like you managed to get a cool poster after all.
    You know that's a nice metaphor now that I think about it.


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    #7
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    ***Don't read reviews until you've read the script.

    Notes:
    - Is this a true story?

    This was a tear jerker. I like that you were trying to build up to the present and then build back down. But I think it really could end when Bryan realizes what his father meant and then have the old guy die. The extra stories from other people is distracting from what is a perfect father son story. A really good job.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    #8
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    **REVIEW COMING

    SIDE NOTE--

    If you get a chance to read mine, the script I uploaded to DVX has a clerical error.
    So if you download it, it's not the right one...

    Here's the proper one.
    DEATH BY COP: http://bit.ly/qq2c1G
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
    Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.


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    #9
    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    I liked it. I remember reading in the past an alike entry on MoviePoet, it's called "Going Home". Alike - meaning the theme. The fact is - you found a way to make yours unique and that's great.
    We're going to and fro - adult Brian, little Brian, adult - I liked all that going back and fro, I can see it on film.

    I didn't like other characters' VO in the middle of it - I don't see why you need it.

    I'd think of another title - this one doesn't do justice to your piece, I think .


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    #10
    Senior Member Sunk99's Avatar
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    I give script criticism by the line as I read.


    Pg 1 We never see Dad's face in any of the scenes. **This totally breaks the reader from the story and actual is directing. If the face is not to be shown, describe such in visuals, not direction.
    **I love the opening visual of the dad swinging the kid superman style. I remember doing that. Ya let go into a couch for fun.
    Pg 2 ADULT BRYAN (V.O.) (CONT'D) **The intercuts were well written.
    1990 **how shown?
    14 YEAR-OLD BRYAN **easy for the audience to think this is a different boy if not visual shown.
    Pg 3 1996 19 YEAR-OLD BRYAN **again how shown?
    PRESENT DAY **same again how shown?
    Pg 4 Bryan runs towards **I thought he didn't care?
    Pg 6 Oh that! (Laughs) I'm a little accident prone. **So he is talking direct to the audience?
    Dad carries BRYAN (both in different wardrobe) **Lost me a bit. This should be another scene as a flashback. I see on the next pg it is a series of flashbacks - all different scenes though.
    Pg 7 Time stops for Bryan **Novelistic. How is this shown?
    Time begins to speed up for all the nurses and doctors. ** And how shown?
    Pg 9 Blood from a cut on Bryan's forehead drips **How did he get the cut? I thought this Dad was spinning him?
    tears well up from the sight. **I'm a bit lost. Bryan the kid is crying?
    Pg 10 Dad carries Four year-old Bryan **Okay I get it, but earlier it was said he landed gently on the recliner. Needed to show him whomping his head.
    container with Dad's remains **I never heard of a hospital cremating a body. Maybe change it to the funeral home?

    A good story with gobs of potential. Play down the boy disliking his father, but rather just growing distant as so many do.
    Again great story.


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