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    Time Of My Father
    #1
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    A son attempts to finish his father's experiment and learns the true meaning of fatherhood.



    Thanks again Matt Harris for another killer poster. This will probably be his last one for me.
    Last edited by Chris_Keaton; 09-03-2011 at 08:43 AM.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    #2
    Senior Member Matt Harris's Avatar
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    no way, posters 4 u 4 eva.
    Matt Harris
    Director / Composer / Colorist / Motion graphics
    http://www.imdb.me/matthewrichardharris

    DVXFEST ENTRIES: GLASSJAW / CABIN / CLARA / THE SOLUTION / LAKE WICWAS / BACKFIRE
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    #3
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    Oooh... sweet poster!


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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    #4
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    I don't know about this 'poster'... HA! I keed. That's me messing with you Matt. You killed it.

    No spoilers. Another certified Keaton classic tale. Nice work and a buttery read as usual.
    A must read.
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
    Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.


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    #5
    Member BasilSunshine's Avatar
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    ***SPOILERS***
    OK, here we go, Chris.
    "dinning" = dining
    "followed by JACK (7) following" = Was Jack following? Just checking Heheh. I know that was a typo and you meant to delete one of those.
    Basement monster lol... That's a good way to keep a kid out of a basement!!
    "PHILLIP (younger Phil)" = It might be easier to call him YOUNG PHILLIP (Age) or even just PHILLIP (Age).
    "Phil sips a coffee shakily setting it next to..." I think probably that should be "...shakily, sets it..." because he can't do both actions at once (sip and set).
    "Misses Culver" = Mrs.? I've never seen that spelled out like that.
    "...if mom will let me eat." Heheh
    "non stop" = nonstop or non-stop
    "it’s heart" = its heart
    "She smells like cat pee." LMAO


    Wow, what a great ending and a great message. I was really hoping he wouldn't end up neglecting his kid like his father did to him. Seeing himself as a kid in the time machine was powerful enough to make him switch off a device that groundbreaking to hang out with his kid. Right on! Great story.


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    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    ***SPOILERS!***
    As mentioned above, commas work wonders.

    Great message but the delivery left me scratching my head. Was this Phil's house or his Dad's? Or did he inherit it from his Dad and is now living there with his family?
    Okay, I read it again - it must be his Dad's old house - otherwise he would remember moving that huge contraption out of his Dad's basement over to his place.. If so, this is the first time he's been down in the basement? Yeah, he's finally cleaning up (after how many years?) and notices this huge "something" hidden under a tarp. Maybe it's a piano? He doesn't remember his Dad working on this thing back when he was a kid, doesn't remember standing behind his Dad when the thing came to life and Dad gave his, "Don’t waste the little time you
    have?" speech?
    He's never peeked under that tarp all the years he's lived there?
    He cleans the entire basement and never once looks under the tarp. Finally Sheryl looks under it and -
    Phil is stunned. He slowly rises and sets his drink down.
    Sheryl stairs confused at the monstrosity.

    I think she's actually staring at it, but still, this whole routine just took me right out of the story, it didn't make sense.

    Nicely told with a great message, but man it took a long time to get there. I found the goofy "Nutty Professor" aspect of the story a little hard to reconcile with the final message. It's hard enough to swallow grandpa's time machine in the basement, but to expect someone to take the rest of the story very seriously is asking a bit too much.

    If Jackson was so concerned about leaving a message for his son, wouldn't a Super8 film or a tape recording have been a more sensible - and cheaper - method of informing his son of the future pitfalls of fatherhood?

    Sorry if I'm nit-picking here, but it was hard for me to get into the story with all the inconsistancies.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #7
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Thanks Basil. Sorry I didn't catch all these typos. Taylor I will never understand how your brain works, but if your next short has a basement time machine I'm calling your card.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #8
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Hell, I don't know how my brain works, Chris. Maybe that's my problem.

    Had to cancel my basement time machine short - Fred MacMurray wasn't available.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #9
    Senior Member Sunk99's Avatar
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    Chris,

    I give script criticism by the line as I read.


    Pg 2 I don’t know. **Biggest thing there and cleaned the whole place but never looked?
    Pg 3 END FLASHBACK **That was one quick flashback. The function of it?
    Who made this? **Didn't he hear? Maybe he could say "Grandpa made this?"
    Pg 4 DINNING **typo
    Pg 5 Wonderful. **Wouldn't she be a bit mad he wasted their vacation time?
    Pg 6 INT. BASEMENT - DAY **We need something to ground us on how much time has elapsed
    Pg 7 **Love, love the broken electronics and SHERYL's blasting him here - would film very well.
    Pg 8 Gradma **typo
    Pg 9 What’s this **This segment would be more powerful if the boy simply plugs in a wire or tilts a relay into it's socket and the contraption fires up by itself.
    INT. BASEMENT - DAY (1973) ** Tough cut to another time without loosing the audience. I think it might help if Jackson sees them in the future before saying hello.
    Of course the dialogue later would have to change.
    Pg 10 Not now Phillip, I’m busy. **This is odd/confusing given the dialogue just before.


    I like the over all concept and story. The final ending of shutting off the machine is great. Phil should carry Jack upstairs for emotion.
    Jackson's dialogue and relationship needs cleaned up for it to work.
    Enjoyed it very much.


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    #10
    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    p7 "at its heart" - typo

    Nice job, Chris. Very slow build up, just as slow as needed. I really liked the fact that he wants to learn his farther's life work and discovers a single most important thing about fathering. It works for me on so many levels. You have a really good short in your hands, congrats.


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