Thread: Desolation Road

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    Desolation Road
    #1
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    "I walk the lonely road, the only road I have ever known"





    Oklahoma, 1934. A desperate woman's tragic search for her wayward husband finally comes to an end.
    Last edited by taylormade; 08-27-2011 at 09:04 PM.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #2
    Senior Member Isaac_Brody's Avatar
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    Interesting. Nice poster.


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    #3
    cool little "title" Charli's Avatar
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    Beautiful poster, dude!
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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    Senior Member Matt Harris's Avatar
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    Looks like a classic book cover, super cool.
    Matt Harris
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    Senior Member Mobie540's Avatar
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    I like this time period, can't wait to read it. Just finished Stephen King's 1922, not quite the same time frame but loved the visuals of this era.


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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Like the poster, but not really the font. Wish there was a logline though.

    Looks like this contest is gaining in popularity.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    I'm guessing GRAPES OF WRATH meets Malik's DAYS OF HEAVEN. -- My total blind guess is that the husband and wife are father and daughter.

    Good image. That's a roaring 20's font though. Also a tip on the poster. the foreground usually desaturates and gets a shade lighter the further back you go.
    That subtle little detail would really help blend the separation of images. Can we crit the poster? Lol.

    Break a leg.
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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    ****Dont' read reviews until you've read the script.

    Notes:
    - I know you are a director, but a writer shouldn't direct from the the script.
    - Is this voice over from a character we'll meet later? If so name them.
    - Wait this voice over is quoting White Snake.
    - Your spacing looks odd. I think you have double spaces after your periods, but I'm not sure that's the only thing. Who knows it looks odd to me. It could be the alcohol.
    - Your WOMAN has an 0 in her name 'W0MAN'. Wow, I'm finding the nit pickiest of stuff.
    - You need an extra space before your scene heading to ease the read.
    - Once we get into the town I'm not feeling the 'depression'.
    - Page 6 'I GO no use for you..'
    - I hope they are ghosts.
    - On second thought I don't think the opening voice over is needed.

    Hah, you got the twist in just after we figured it out, perfect timing! I loved it. Being a period piece and having an period town would really stop it from being produced, but it was a good ghost story.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    #9
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    **SOILERS

    1 - Give your character a name and show us she/he's doing voice-over with the parenthetical (V.O.)

    1 - Good visual blocks, but maybe think about stripping them down to simple sentences. Same cool visuals though. Just think 3rd grader simplicity in the read. That way it flies by.
    2 - That's a 'zero' instead of an 'O' - easy one. My favorite is 'p' instead of 'o'
    4 - You got me with the WOMAN / EDNA. I wasn't realizing it was the same person. I just intro them as 'EDNA' right off the bat when it's not pertinent to the story. Makes it easier for the reader to relate to them. You are god, sir. Name your children...
    10 - The elipse (...) is for audio fading out. If you want to cut off use this— use the dash at the end of what ever you are cuttin—


    Good story. The first pages had some flower, but it became way more fluid as I read it. Could be more stripped and less prose-esque in format. I like the twist. It's clever, heartfelt and creepy.
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
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    #10
    Member BasilSunshine's Avatar
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    ***SPOILERS***
    OK, Richard, opening the file.
    Maybe that first character "VOICE-OVER" could be called NARRATOR?
    Wow, great descriptive writing.
    Something looks wrong with the character name "WOMAN"... I am pretty sure that's a zero instead of an "O'... Sorry. I don't know why I pick up on these things.
    If anyone tells you their name means "Devil"... run!!! Am I right?
    Mr. Devil is taking them to Devil town. This can't end well.
    I suspect foreshadowing. I am already creeped out.
    Maybe call Edna her name from the beginning.
    Oh THEY were the ghosts!! I thought they were in danger. Nice misdirection. I never saw that coming at all.

    Man, that was a seriously creepy ghost story. Haunting even. You really nailed the mood, which is the hardest part IMHO. This would be so creepy to watch in the theatre. The dread would be palpable.

    Also, great job giving a Depression Era feel to this... I'm in awe because I think historical fiction is SO DIFFICULT to write.

    Really well done.


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