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    Rose Thorns (detective)
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    I'm new at making short films. I seek experts' constructive critcism on my first project and ways to improve on future projects.

    Starring Micheal McMullen and Arthur Roach.

    Synopsis: A murderer learns of a secret message left by his victim after he tries to make her death look like a suicide.

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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Tucson, AZ
    Not sure how much feedback you'll get since this is a dead thread.

    Your film is essentially telling us everything without us experiencing it. Unless done brilliantly this is dreadfully boring. Really you just filmed a guy telling a story, a story without twists.

    Your synopsis is essentially just the last couple lines. Good start, just try to make everything more visual. It really would've been nice to see the crime and coverup, which might've stretched your abilities. I say pick a simpler story next time.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)

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