Trickle

[Anthony Todaro]

Thanks for the reviews everyone. I'm glad the twist got most of you!
I thought I'd post the script for anyone who wants to read it.
It's a quickie and might answer some of the questions I'm seeing.

http://www.todarocreative.com/TRICKLE_AJTODARO.pdf

[MrFluffy]

This was very well made, but I'm afraid the story lost me at the end.
I've just read your explination, and I'm afraid that all of that missed me. Maybe if you had held on the photos on the wall longer it would have helped as I didnt take in what they were really about in the time given.

I really liked the twist. Well done.

[greymog]

There's movies to watch soon! I haven't seen this many userfilms on newposts page sunday morning since i joined. This is a good sunday

[taylormade]

It's never a good sign when you have to explain your film to a confused audience, but the whole reason these fests take place is to find out what works and what doesn’t. The fact that you made the film and put it out for all the world to see is the main point. Next time around you’ll remember what worked and what didn’t – and discover new problems to deal with.

[Matt Harris]

Oh this was another Todaro script, very cool, well done.

[ASchear]

It's never a good sign when you have to explain your film to a confused audience, but the whole reason these fests take place is to find out what works and what doesn’t. The fact that you made the film and put it out for all the world to see is the main point. Next time around you’ll remember what worked and what didn’t – and discover new problems to deal with.

taylor, what are some suggestions you have for how I could've avoided these problems this time, as well as for next time?

[taylormade]

One of the toughest problems you already mentioned - trying to chose between performances and shots. In the end you have to take the time to get both. If it means simplifying your shots or going with a little less coverage, you may have to make that sacrifice. Remember, it's not just the dialogue that carries the film, it's the visuals. They have to be as strong, if not stronger than the actor's words.

Spoiler:

Anthony won't like this, but you probably could have dropped some of the lead actor's lines on the bed. The sounds from the bathroom, the shots of the woman struggling said it all. We already knew he wanted to escape and why. That way you could have concentrated more on the details of his escape and made things clearer. The only real problem I had with this script is the line where the cop/husband tells his wife that the villian took their daughter. It seems like the last thing this guy would tell her considering the situation. I would have gone back to Anthony to see if you could work out a little more logical - and visual - way of indicating the daughter was gone.

I think you failed in places to think the scene through - to look at it from an editor's point of view. Am I getting the pieces I need to put this together and are those pieces working visually for me? Will this fit together and make sense in the end. You're telling a story. Anthony has written an outline for you. As a director it's your job to tell his story visually. I think if you concentrate more on what's going to end up on the screen and how your shots flow, and less on just performances, your next film will improve greatly.

[Dustin R. Rogan]

I'll have to go back and watch...did he snap his wrist to get out of the cuffs?...and if memory serves me correctly it was his left wrist...but then he had his right hand free when he came to the front shot of him...i was confused.


Anthony good script, guys in the park with stuffed animals need to be punched in the throat!

Rogan

[ASchear]

Thanks taylor, I'll remember at least some of that, it's all good advice. You guys are starting to pick out continuity errors that I didn't even catch editing! Jeez, my director was really sloppy.

[Nemesis TS]

Good job man. I thought the story needed a little more work. I couldn't connect all the dots until I read the thread. It would have been better if the bathroom the guy goes into had a tub and not a shower only. Not sure that was an option, I know how tough getting locations can be. But, you could have used the same bathroom and with camera angles or different decor made it look different. This story may have been too ambitious for the time allotted. Yet you went for it and thats cool. Keep up the good work.