Apropos - A Hawk Teflon short

[Hawk Teflon]

Thank you very much! And to you too, sir!

[Marlon Ladd]

Great job!!

[Matthew B]

Well done Hawk.

[taylormade]

Congrats hawk.

[Hawk Teflon]

Thanks guys!

[Noel Evans]

Ok Hawk. Im going to comment before Im tempted to read your thread.

The pick up was a byline so worked to serve its purpose as the opening sequence. The music however was a little off point.

Marlon well done I thought you did a great job. Girl was tied up for the most part so no dialogue to go on, but there should have been more reaction from her I felt throughout, was a bit one dimensional as a character.

Hawk I thought Marlon delivered his dialogue at the right tone and level, but you were a bit quiet in the recording there. Not sure if there was a barrier to getting it sweet and clean, but with the angles you could certainly get a mic close enough.

I thought overall the shots in each scene sometimes missmatched tone / colour and contrast. But there were some good ones included.

On story, actually thought it worked fairly well - again her character needed more reaction / action. The flashback scene looked great as a flashback. Just didnt think it was needed. I thought a braver thing to do would have been to stay on the one bathroom scene and really try to sell it.

Overall a solid effort for sure. Now to go back and see what others thought. Congrats on top 5.

EDIT: SO I read page 10 and for the most part reasonably similar comments. I have to add one more thing. I really didnt like the angle on Marlon terribly at the bath side. Felt right up the nose. And I would have liked to see compositional changes in this kind of scene to support the story. Low to start to give him the power, then bring it up as we progress so we change it to compliment that he's actually a victim of her crime (through his brothers death). And on her, she needed to be way more evil toward the end when we get the twist. Let her outta the cage so to speak.

[Hawk Teflon]

Noel, thanks for checking it out, and especially for a full review on what worked and didn't work. I really appreciate it.

I agree with you for on most parts there. We actually had our actress do some VO for the flashback scene. It was a bit of her side of the story (not justifying anything), just so that the viewer wouldn't like her even more. She was very snarky and catty. BUT it didn't work with the flow of everything, so I cut it.

Yeah, one thing we've struggled with in the past was audio. This was definitely the cleanest we've recorded on the first run. I just need to boost it I think. It sounded right before adding any music, and I might have been so familiar with the story that I knew what he was saying, so I didn't think anything about it.

Again, thank you very much for your points and critiques on this!

[Anthony Todaro]

Spoiler:

Looks great. Sounds great. Great performances. Marlon hit a homer. Paced very well. What is it with torturing girls in bathtubs?
This is a good example to show you shouldn’t be afraid to write dialogue for an actor who can pull it off.
I was in this with him. I felt it come through. Wasn’t too much. Some great looking shots too. Very well done.

[Marlon Ladd]

Great fest. Thanks for all the great comments and compliments. Hawk did a great job and has really come into his own. I thought everybody made some really good and professional films and I'm looking forward to the next fest.

[Charli]

Congrats on top of the pack.