Thread: Better to Die

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    #11
    Mod v2.0 Noel Evans's Avatar
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    Rod I changed your image for you.
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    #12
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    BEAST MODE! Thanks!


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    #13
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Nicely written! Manga meets the Seven Samurai. Great plot with a nice twist. Just find twenty million dollars and make it.

    Not totally sure about the ending. I'm sure it was meant to be a bit ambiguous, but it let things down a bit in my opinion, compared to the rest of the story.

    A strong entry!
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #14
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Ok, first off you need to work on your descriptions. Remember you aren't writing prose, so trim and compress, they are way to bloated. Are we going to know what these people's names mean? If you mean to show that on the screen write it in as a SUPER. Lose those Cut To's and the (CONTINUED)s they are old fashioned. If you want the speaker to cut off the other use a dash - and not an ellipsis ... an ellipsis means that the dialog trails off.

    Enough of busting your balls for the little stuff.

    That seems like a big conversation in the middle of a fight. I liked this nearly classic Samurai tale. I didn't think anyone would top my budget, but you blew it out of the water. Interesting read. Good Stuff!
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    #15
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    I refuse to fit the mold, Chris! Worked for Shane Black.


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    #16
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Who?
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
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    #17
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shane_Black


    And if you missed my Facebook post...I have officially coined the term for my writing style as SCREENPROSE.


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    #18
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    SLIGHT SPOILERIFIC

    Was this a 12th century SCREENPROSETRY? Lots of fancy writing, but it was visual ice cream. This world and mythos are infinitely interesting. A lot of story here too. I think this could easily be a half hour short maybe even an epic feature. The more time we can reflect on all the lush detail and depth of your characters the better. You rushed me at the end, but before you hate me, let me say... I don't care. This is another one I'd watch at the edge of my seat. It's a movie. Oh, one thing.... End those flashbacks! You had me trippin.
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    #19
    Mod v2.0 Noel Evans's Avatar
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    Nice work Rod. Definitely a classic samurai tale, meets gotham city meets the over the top manga slashers. It almost completely worked, though it did feel like you had to push too much of the end into too small a box.

    Good stuff.

    Oh yes I did have one cultural nit pick which only resulted because you went the extra mile to include cultural reference and in the scheme if things it probably doesnt matter at all. Now Ive typed that - Ive decided not to bother mentioning it :P
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    #20
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    This was pretty cool, Rod. Nicely in tune with the theme throughout.

    The story was large but you managed to tell it well within the pages you used.
    Could have used a little breathing room here and there but overall it worked well.

    Really enjoyed the descriptive visual at the end. Well done.


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