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    #31
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Good idea. Now I can die happy when the robots take over.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #32
    Member bleach551's Avatar
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    Wasn't "Bladerunner" directed by Ridley Scott based on a Book by Philip K. Dick named "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"? Just thought I mention it since your title was almost similar to his.


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    #33
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bleach551 View Post
    Wasn't "Bladerunner" directed by Ridley Scott based on a Book by Philip K. Dick named "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"? Just thought I mention it since your title was almost similar to his.
    I'm sure that's what inspired the title. Good eye.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #34
    Mod v2.0 Noel Evans's Avatar
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    Hey Chris. As usual I really enjoyed your writing style and alway love your great descriptions such as "In the alley a parade of robots ranging from practically humanoid to toasters on wheels march." One simple sentence that tells everything you need to know. Something I always struggle with.

    As a story and an ending, overall I cant say it really did it for me. Ive just read some other comments and I "got it" completely with one read, no issue there and personally I see no need to clarify.

    I just had way too many questions at the end, the biggest being well ok they were all robots, but what purpose did they serve during the actual conflict? And the other, during the conflict - one of them was bound to be severely injured wouldn't they have discovered the cyborg ness of themselves?

    I enjoyed it - but I thought overall the set up and twist was a bit 2 dimensional - for a Chris Keaton script.
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    #35
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    @Noel - Argh, you figured out the major flaw that I just realized yesterday. Someone would have to have been injured before.

    Maybe they are programmed to not recognize their own form. Maybe when the other robot shows up making some kind of remote the first thing it does is take this block away, so they are freaked out realizing that reb is a robot and then next they the remote does is allow them to realize their own situation?
    Last edited by Chris_Keaton; 06-06-2011 at 07:02 AM.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #36
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    Allow me to be the last to comment!

    On the whole, I liked the concept, but as with so many shorts that I've read (and written), the story was too compressed. I don't want to say rushed, but the character's never really popped out for me. Reb's rage and subsequent "charge" didn't feel real, like there wasn't enough build up or contemplation by the character. What was worse was when we find out he's a cyborg, presumably AI, why was he allowed by the human programmers to evolve into this unchained killer. While the twist was definitely unseen, I tried to find the purpose in the cyborgs fighting for the resistance. I got the whole part about the recruiters and the shortage of troops, but to supplement your own army with the same enemy you're fighting was lost on me. I wish it had been a 20 pager so you could have had more space to build on some of the finer points. I gave you high marks in spite of my notes because it was definitely well written, and aside from my nit-picking, was a great story!

    And because I one day wish to have your child!


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    #37
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RodThompson View Post
    And because I one day wish to have your child!
    Man that would be one handsome baby... Did I say handsome, I meant horrifying.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #38
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    Yes. A little more meat and this would have been out of the park for me. As it stands, it's still pretty damn good. Had I been able to know REB and some of the others a little more before the final reveal I think this would be perfect.

    Get me to care about them before hitting me with the hook.

    I love the concept though. It has a great vibe and I could envision the ending quite clearly.
    Great short.


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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