Thread: Akisu

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    Akisu
    #1
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Akisu
    (Empty Nest)
    A young female assassin learns that the code of honor and respect can not be forgotten.


    Last edited by taylormade; 05-22-2011 at 11:00 AM.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #3
    Senior Member Matt Harris's Avatar
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    killer poster, nice poser work.
    Matt Harris
    Director / Composer / Colorist / Motion graphics
    http://www.imdb.me/matthewrichardharris

    DVXFEST ENTRIES: GLASSJAW / CABIN / CLARA / THE SOLUTION / LAKE WICWAS / BACKFIRE
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    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Looks and sounds good!
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
    Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.


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    Senior Member Mobie540's Avatar
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    The good: an easy read, a goal for both characters, a nice reveal. good dialogue.

    The bad: word choice took me out. I had to look up a couple of words. I think it comes off as snooty. But then again that's just me.


    Spoiler: thought it was a little creepy to have a naked girl with the ninja 'you know who' in the same scene. there was a little sexuality there that just isn't right after the reveal.


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    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Thanks for reading the script. I'm curious, which words bothered you?
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #8
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    I'm honestly really surprised. Avarice has been around along time and is used in may religious passages and in literature. Same with suffice. I can't agree with you that using those two words is "snooty."

    “Poverty wants some things, Luxury many things, Avarice all things”
    Benjamin Franklin

    "Pride, avarice, and envy are in every home”
    Thornton Wilder

    "Acting doesn't suffice."
    Rod Taylor (the actor)
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    Senior Member Mobie540's Avatar
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    Suffuse not suffice.

    Fine, you use avarice in dialogue so the character talks like that.

    If you need affirmation fine, I like your script IMO it's the best one here.


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    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Sorry I got defensive. I really was surprised, but then I'm an old fart with an apparently ancient vocabulary. Thanks for the compliment on the script.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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