Akisu

[taylormade]

Akisu
(Empty Nest)
A young female assassin learns that the code of honor and respect can not be forgotten.

[Mobie540]

Nice poster!

[Matt Harris]

killer poster, nice poser work.

[Anthony Todaro]

Looks and sounds good!

[Mobie540]

The good: an easy read, a goal for both characters, a nice reveal. good dialogue.

The bad: word choice took me out. I had to look up a couple of words. I think it comes off as snooty. But then again that's just me.


Spoiler: thought it was a little creepy to have a naked girl with the ninja 'you know who' in the same scene. there was a little sexuality there that just isn't right after the reveal.

[taylormade]

Thanks for reading the script. I'm curious, which words bothered you?

[Mobie540]

suffuse and avarice. The latter more so. Never heard them in my life.

[taylormade]

I'm honestly really surprised. Avarice has been around along time and is used in may religious passages and in literature. Same with suffice. I can't agree with you that using those two words is "snooty."

“Poverty wants some things, Luxury many things, Avarice all things”
Benjamin Franklin

"Pride, avarice, and envy are in every home”
Thornton Wilder

"Acting doesn't suffice."
Rod Taylor (the actor)

[Mobie540]

Suffuse not suffice.

Fine, you use avarice in dialogue so the character talks like that.

If you need affirmation fine, I like your script IMO it's the best one here.

[taylormade]

Sorry I got defensive. I really was surprised, but then I'm an old fart with an apparently ancient vocabulary. Thanks for the compliment on the script.