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    #11
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
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    I stand corrected. You learn something everyday.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #12
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Oct 2009
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    SPOILERS

    Gut wrenching. I donít care if you finished or not. Compelling. This would easily fly on screen. Nurses code of honor is an interesting spin on the theme.
    At the end when they are singing and the alarms are sounding... I wanted to see one thing I didn't.... A small bead of water just one. Just speed past her on the floor and maybe when she sees it that's when she starts singing... or maybe she sees it as they are... not sure... It would just add a little more to her awesomeness and the head nurses dishonorable cowardess. That's not a critique, it's a suggestion. Bravo.
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
    Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.


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    #13
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
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    Tucson, AZ
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    Notes:
    - If you want the viewer to know the day and time put them under the header in a SUPER.
    - A general trim and compress could ease the read.
    - Lose the (CONTINUED)s
    - Holy huge action block. Action blocks should represent what is seen in each shot. Your 9 line action block reads as if it should be at least 3 blocks.

    This is an interesting human piece. I like the simplicity and heart. Might be logistically hard to shoot. A good job!
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #14
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    Jan 2007
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    Ottawa
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    Very nice. I think you really nailed the theme with this one. Sad but clearly engrossing and had me a little on the edge of my seat.

    Very well done.


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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