Really fun BTS. Congratulations to you and your wife on the baby!
Thread: JENNY - by Hawk Teflon
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03-11-2011 02:56 PM
I was aware of the BG on this one. Congrats again BTW. I think you played a strength card here - not something you are personally going through, but you gave yourself a scenario that was relatable. Good choice. It was short and didnt need to be longer.
I thought the opening was a bit expositional. Generally it was all played pretty safe and theres nothing wrong with that.SDC Productions Gold Coast Aust. http://sdcproductions.com.au
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03-11-2011 04:23 PM
This is a very short film and it feels longer because it's not getting to the point quick enough. I don't really like the use of a phone call in shorts because it's really no different than if the actor was talking to himself. I do like the reveal though.
I didn't expect him to be a two-timing son-of-a-biscuit, so that was a nice twist. I still however didn't really feel any genuine interaction between the two physical characters. So the opening was as Noel expressed a tad expositional. I also didn't see how a sudden flashback or an ultrasound image could all of the sudden BAM! just be the catalytic change of heart for this guy. I liked the twist. I just would have liked to have seen "more" of story."Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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03-11-2011 09:51 PM
I got that he was cheating from the start. What I didn't get is how that tiny bit of snow would be snowing him in.
03-12-2011 10:32 AM
If this really was just a two-person cast and crew (you and your wife and she was 8+ months pregnant) , that is seriously impressive.
I thought your shots were really nice, especially the first few shots of you with the lamp in the background. I would probably lose the shot of the wedding ring, as we already got it and that point and you simply don't need it.
As other have mentioned, it's tough to do a dramatic phone call, but the reveal afterwards was excellent - I definitely did not see that coming. I also thought there was something really honest in your ending. It was hopeful and I liked that.
03-12-2011 01:06 PM
Thank you for the kind words and critiques.
@Noel & Charli ... I'm not familiar with "expositional" (dictionary.com did me NO good!)
@Chris K - yeah, here in OKC even a forecast of snow can shut this place down. When it actually falls, it's all over!
@Chris M - Thanks! Yeah, it was just us two. Looking through it again, I agree on the wedding ring shot. To be honest, that's where I originally ended it. Just that. As you can see, though, I added a second act.
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
- New Jersey
03-12-2011 07:16 PM
Nice work. Agree with the comments on the cell phone conversation as not the best bit. The natural light on your face on the call was very pretty and a nice look. The shot was a bit soft though. Was that conversation all looped?____________
Devon Lyon || Director || Producer
My company: LYON FILMS LLC - Portland, Oregon
2011 Fiction Fest "WILL" - Finalist - 4th Place.
2009 Quest Fest "Tarts Fools & The G-Men" Winner "Best Newcomer" DVX Quest Fest 2009
2009 Monster Fest - "The Tell" Finalist - 5th Place - Winner "Creative Vision Award"