Thread: A Dying Love

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    A Dying Love
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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Thought I would Start a thread.


    Hi Vicky, just read your script.

    *Spoilers*

    I enjoyed the slow build. Once the attack started I really liked the description and horror of the attack.

    I think you could have replaced some of the dialogue with flashbacks, that would allow the action to show the background rather than the characters telling us. An example would be Karen explaining that Bill was escorted from the house by the police.

    I'm not quite sure whether I like the open end or not, meaning, I'm not sure if I would have liked to know who the killer was. She said it wasn't Bill, but then he lays the rose and takes the ring...

    Overall, a good read, with a great violent ending. Well done.


    Marshall Dean

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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Hey, nice to see you again Vicky. What brings you a slumming. Hey, wait, that's not right.

    Your short was written well, but it was all to linear. I didn't really feel the tension, because I knew what was coming next each step of the way. Ok, you didn't make the killer Bill, but it almost didn't really matter who it was.

    Overall good job.
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    Senior Member nitramlehcar's Avatar
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    What's a Hitchcock film without some good stabbing? Loved the brutality and the hopeless ending. It may not have been very twisty, but it was fun to read and still left me with questions, which I think a Hitchcock script ought to do. Good job.
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    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Dialogue sounded weird in the very beginning but loosened up. Cool story. I guess the MacGuffin was Bill.
    No major gripes. It was a quick read and the "light-off" scare was a nice touch it made me jump when I envisioned it. I love a good kill.
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    #5
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    I agree with Anthony. I also love a good kill. Hitchcock wasn't always one for a happy ending anyway.
    Make me.


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    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    hey there... i liked the suspense... it was very scream or i know what you did last summer... i wasn't actually convinced it wasn't bill... but maybe i over-thought it. also, wasn't the macguffin the ring? it was because of the ring that i thought maybe it was bill afterall... that and the title... i enjoyed it. thanks for an entertaining kill
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    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    Nicely build suspense, very thrilling. I see what you're going for and see the irony "it's not Bill", ha.

    But still the resolution somehow doesn't feel satisfying. She was so happy and ready to move on... I was expecting her to give up the ring at the end. But again - concerning the ring - I see the irony.

    Still I enjoyed the story.


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    #8
    DVXFest Promo Guru Rodney V. Smith's Avatar
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    Marshall, reading yours and commenting in the morning.

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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Thanks Rodders, but make sure you review the right one for me!!??!!


    Marshall Dean

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    #10
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    yeah... where's vicky? i think she is the macguffin of this scriptfest ;)
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