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    Salt of the Earth
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    Every one knows that salt can kill you.
    Last edited by Bridget D.; 03-14-2010 at 12:20 AM.


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    #2
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    great poster... very intriguing! can't wait to read it.
    Script Fest IV: Go West
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    #3
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    Thanks - I didn't realize that KhamIsk's poster also features a hand. Oh well. If you happen to need any salt, I now have a cookie sheet full.


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    #4
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Very cool poster indeed. Glad they made it a requirement. They make great visual synopses.






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    #5
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    Thanks, Alex. Creating the poster wasn't too bad - trying to figure out how to get it on the thread was another story.


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    #6
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Cooooooooool!
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
    Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.


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    #7
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Bridget, just read your script.

    *Spoilers*

    The opening half was really good, the deadly opening, the characters of Eden and Mr Pascal. The mystery of the photo and the opening death. What salt has to do with everything. I loved the opening descriptions and action.
    The second half seemed to go downhill. You have three characters that come out of the blue, the son, the mother and the police husband. The story becomes jumbled and the explainations of it seem to jar, for example the salt explained by the son.
    Why would the Wife take the Dad's body in the car? Why would she invite the girl who would then know her face? Was the Waitress an old lover of Mr Pascal's?

    You leave us with too many questions for comfort.


    Good attempt. Take some time to rewrite this to match the opening half and it will be a very good script. Well done.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #8
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
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    There was a little confusion in the middle for me, but overall I liked the writing.
    Nicely done.


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    #9
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    Thanks for the comments. I was afraid I hadn't made some things clear enough. I think with a few small fixes, I could work out the problems.

    Spoilers

    Here are the relationships in the story. The man is Ms. Carter's son. Ms. Carter is Mr. Pascal and the waitress, Louise P.'s daughter. I tried to tie the son in to the first scene by mentioning the gloves. He's talking to his mother in one of the first scenes. I should have made that more evident, so you would know that the photo was sent by Ms. Carter. Also, I thought the ages would also help clear some of the roles. They wanted to kill Eden because they thought she had seen the photo. Did I cover everything? I usually think up whole stories in my head of where characters come from and why they are the way they are but trying to decide what to put in the script and what to leave out, it ends up confusing. Yikes!


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    #10
    Senior Member nitramlehcar's Avatar
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    Bridget, the first half of this had me more intrigued than any of the others, especially the symbolism of the salt. I wish you had some more pages to develop the story more, but not much you can do about that. And I love the name Eden. I think I'm going to adopt it. ;p
    "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." ~T. Leary


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