Thread: The Melt

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    The Melt
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    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Arrow

    LOGLINE: Noose around neck, a hooded someone balances atop a block of melting ice as peculiar events unfold.
    Last edited by Anthony Todaro; 03-12-2010 at 10:04 PM.
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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Nice, I love the old riddle.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #3
    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Uploaded and I'm kinda loaded too. =)
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
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    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    good job with the poster.
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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Ok, I've read this enough, you got my feedback. Awesome atmospheric piece!
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Ant. just read your script.

    *Spoilers*

    As a story it works well, it's shrouded in mystery and builds up to a satifying conclusion.

    You created good characters, especially Harry and his shoe store cover.

    The majority of the action is well written.

    I did get lost in some of said action though. It was so quick that it felt it had words missing that would have helped the story along.

    I don't think you needed the small supernatural element of Harry having a flash of black eyes... He works without it, as a money lending bastard!


    Overall, a very good script, just needs a little more work and it would be excellent.


    Marshall Dean

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    Senior Member MML's Avatar
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    Awesome opening. Intense, unique and great visuals.

    "I need a new sole" - very nice.

    "reading between the lines" - nice again ... A+ on subtext so far Anthony.

    A+ on some really great transitions too.

    I really liked this. The dialog was excellent. Characters were very interesting and the visuals were strong. Two thumbs up, my friend. GREAT job!!!


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    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    This is really well written. All the visuals are great.

    I had to read it twice to follow it all - glad I did, greatly enjoyed the transitions, the descriptions...

    One thing - maybe you could show Harry counting money (or something in that sense) - I got it, but it wasn't easy, I really had to read between the lines

    Every line seems thought through, what a thrilling, exciting read!

    Here "They're definitely not, but we, we are good." - I'm a big fan of a crude humor like this. Witty dialog throughout!


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    oooh...I don't know why but I'm so creeped out by the shoes. I'm tossing my red stilettos now! Great visual.
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    Senior Member Anthony Todaro's Avatar
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    Wow! Thanks to you all!
    SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
    Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.


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