LOGLINE: Noose around neck, a hooded someone balances atop a block of melting ice as peculiar events unfold.
Thread: The Melt
Results 1 to 10 of 25
03-10-2010 08:44 AM
Last edited by Anthony Todaro; 03-12-2010 at 10:04 PM.
03-10-2010 10:02 AM
Nice, I love the old riddle.
03-15-2010 08:07 PM
Ok, I've read this enough, you got my feedback. Awesome atmospheric piece!
03-16-2010 06:16 PM
Hi Ant. just read your script.
As a story it works well, it's shrouded in mystery and builds up to a satifying conclusion.
You created good characters, especially Harry and his shoe store cover.
The majority of the action is well written.
I did get lost in some of said action though. It was so quick that it felt it had words missing that would have helped the story along.
I don't think you needed the small supernatural element of Harry having a flash of black eyes... He works without it, as a money lending bastard!
Overall, a very good script, just needs a little more work and it would be excellent.
03-16-2010 07:43 PM
Awesome opening. Intense, unique and great visuals.
"I need a new sole" - very nice.
"reading between the lines" - nice again ... A+ on subtext so far Anthony.
A+ on some really great transitions too.
I really liked this. The dialog was excellent. Characters were very interesting and the visuals were strong. Two thumbs up, my friend. GREAT job!!!Marnie . . .
03-16-2010 08:44 PM
This is really well written. All the visuals are great.
I had to read it twice to follow it all - glad I did, greatly enjoyed the transitions, the descriptions...
One thing - maybe you could show Harry counting money (or something in that sense) - I got it, but it wasn't easy, I really had to read between the lines
Every line seems thought through, what a thrilling, exciting read!
Here "They're definitely not, but we, we are good." - I'm a big fan of a crude humor like this. Witty dialog throughout!
03-17-2010 06:40 PM
oooh...I don't know why but I'm so creeped out by the shoes. I'm tossing my red stilettos now! Great visual.Make me.