The Melt

[Anthony Todaro]

LOGLINE: Noose around neck, a hooded someone balances atop a block of melting ice as peculiar events unfold.

[DarkElastic]

Nice, I love the old riddle.

[Anthony Todaro]

Uploaded and I'm kinda loaded too. =)

[jamiejay]

good job with the poster.

[Chris_Keaton]

Ok, I've read this enough, you got my feedback. Awesome atmospheric piece!

[DarkElastic]

Hi Ant. just read your script.

*Spoilers*

As a story it works well, it's shrouded in mystery and builds up to a satifying conclusion.

You created good characters, especially Harry and his shoe store cover.

The majority of the action is well written.

I did get lost in some of said action though. It was so quick that it felt it had words missing that would have helped the story along.

I don't think you needed the small supernatural element of Harry having a flash of black eyes... He works without it, as a money lending bastard!


Overall, a very good script, just needs a little more work and it would be excellent.

[MML]

Awesome opening. Intense, unique and great visuals.

"I need a new sole" - very nice.

"reading between the lines" - nice again ... A+ on subtext so far Anthony.

A+ on some really great transitions too.

I really liked this. The dialog was excellent. Characters were very interesting and the visuals were strong. Two thumbs up, my friend. GREAT job!!!

[KhamIsk]

This is really well written. All the visuals are great.

I had to read it twice to follow it all - glad I did, greatly enjoyed the transitions, the descriptions...

One thing - maybe you could show Harry counting money (or something in that sense) - I got it, but it wasn't easy, I really had to read between the lines

Every line seems thought through, what a thrilling, exciting read!

Here "They're definitely not, but we, we are good." - I'm a big fan of a crude humor like this. Witty dialog throughout!

[mary.susanna]

oooh...I don't know why but I'm so creeped out by the shoes. I'm tossing my red stilettos now! Great visual.

[Anthony Todaro]

Wow! Thanks to you all!