Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17
  1. Collapse Details
    #11
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Perth, Western Australia
    Posts
    843
    Default
    Hi Jared, hust read your script.

    Very nicely written, and as you have been making it I can understand putting more emotion and direction into it.
    You got me with the ending, I never saw it coming. It was nice to see a different kind of betrayal in this Fest. Almost one of the softer kinds. But you managed to build the tension well.

    I look forward to seeing how this looks on the screen. Well done.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


    Reply With Quote
     

  2. Collapse Details
    #12
    Pain In The Ass 2.0 Ben Sliker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Charlotte, NC
    Posts
    2,217
    Default
    jared,

    look forward to seeing this on the screen. I think you did a good job of keeping your audience in suspense and surprised by the 'how', we know he has to do something, but how does he get that darn book? You say even more about the character with your ending. Thanks for sharing!

    -ben


    Reply With Quote
     

  3. Collapse Details
    #13
    Default
    Marshall and Ben,
    Thanks for your kind compliments! I can't wait to see it cut together either.


    Reply With Quote
     

  4. Collapse Details
    #14
    Senior Member MML's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Jersey
    Posts
    119
    Default
    This is a cute story. I love the library setting and atmosphere you created. Looking forward to seeing it brought to life. Nice work.


    Reply With Quote
     

  5. Collapse Details
    #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    173
    Default
    I really liked the way you set everything up with your use of action instead of dialogue. It really set the tone of the script so that once the dialogue did arrive, we were already right where you wanted us. I really liked how you wrote the girl. She really worked to establish a different turn of events had Ronny not tried to trick her. Good job with this script.


    Reply With Quote
     

  6. Collapse Details
    #16
    Default
    Thanks Kenneth! Glad you liked the structure!


    Reply With Quote
     

  7. Collapse Details
    #17
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Rhode Island
    Posts
    559
    Default
    I enjoyed it. You established atmosphere and character well without a lot of dialogue, nicely done. You have a very light but well executed betrayal. Looking forward to watching it and seeing how it all plays out.


    Reply With Quote
     

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •