Thread: Bathtub Cloning

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    #21
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
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    Great laughs on this one. First script I read and very much enjoyed it. "Dude-Code" HA HA.

    The only thing that took me out was when the scene came with the family, I thought it needed something to establish that this was days later.


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    #22
    Senior Member arroway's Avatar
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    Thanks for the read!

    And you're right, I probably do need a "One Week Later" superimposed there somewhere.


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    #23
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
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    Saved yours for last.

    Very clever and I had a lot of fun with it. The dialogue seems natural, witty, at times a bit too many swears but I know some people who talk like that so it's fine.

    It started out strong. The whole situation between Brett, Tucker and the Two Abbies I found really funny and each character played off really well.

    The concept of cloning was pretty great, wish we could have seen a scene of Brett with household chemicals staring at the bathtub. Preparing to clone, before we see the family.

    The end isn't over the top it just doesn't seem as funny as the beginning, it loses some steam. The dog is great though and maybe he should have cloned Tucker too while he was at it. Still some of the lines are still great to read:

    Brett "But I can't unsee the things I've seen --"

    Haha, I'm always a fan of your style. Keep up the good work.


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    #24
    Senior Member Sarah Daly's Avatar
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    Ah now this is good fun!! Delightfully brash and deliciously vulgar - had a good giggle at the end and must say I was surprised at how far you went with the smut - loved it though. Pinneaple Express sort of vibe but more surreal - a good fun romp.


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    #25
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Its a painful and glacier like pace with which im getting through these scripts!

    Arroway I found your script to be quite hilarious - i mean theres no doubting this story isn't aspiring to Teolstoy, its a fairly juvenile frat style comedy - but indeed that has its place too!

    It certainly had me chuckling - the insane venom with which our main characters gets infuriated and the horrifying (yet hilarious) lengths he goes to had me in giggles hehe.

    It's not particularly ambitious but its an effectively enjoyable romp with some great gags imo! Well done mate
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    #26
    Senior Member arroway's Avatar
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    It's not particularly ambitious but its an effectively enjoyable romp with some great gags imo! Well done mate
    Glad you enjoyed it.

    As for ambition, I would argue that trying to write something that is conceptually fresh, entertaining, AND easily filmmable is MORE ambitious than giving yourself no limitations and writing something cost prohibitive...


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    #27
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    I meant it wasnt intellectually ambitious (its not trying to be either) - ie. mostly toilet humour- but funny toilet humour at that which i found entertaining nonetheless, but not something I feel stretches your 'particular' talent. It's not a blatant criticism i don't think, and as for the example of ambition you describe, well i couldnt agree more.
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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