Thread: Bathtub Cloning

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    Bathtub Cloning
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    Senior Member arroway's Avatar
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    BATHTUB CLONING




    TAGLINE: An allegorical comedy concerning two best friends, a technological breakthrough, and the sudden obsolescence of man code.












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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Looking forward to the read, Arroway.


    Marshall Dean

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    Senior Member MML's Avatar
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    I loved this. Such an original idea and so funny. I was cracking up through the whole thing. Tucker and Brett's dialog was great.

    The only thing I wasn't nuts about was the end. Just thought it went a tad too far. IMO it would be funnier if it was just Tucker's Mom. That alone is hysterical. Maybe even have her do some motherly things like she used to do for Tucker but with sex. It just so inapproprite it's funny.

    Anyway, I loved it. I'm sure this could be easily filmed with a split screen for the cloned girlbfriend, or if someone could find a pair of identical twins that would be even better. GREAT WORK!!!


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    Senior Member Gohanto's Avatar
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    SPOILERS

    Excellent concept. And some very interesting dark-comedy elements as well. The end was ... well it was unique and I didn't see it coming, but it seemed like it was trying to be "light" and "dark" comedy at the same time and I didn't really buy it. With the rage Brett was having, I was expecting him to clone Tucker and then kill the clone in front of Tucker sort of a Pulp Fiction-type tone, but that's a whole other bag of issues and would push it notably darker in tone.

    And this may be an odd comment, but I think you concept for cloning was too good. It's simply used it as a device for the comedy aspect, but I really expected and wanted to see Tucker carry in a bucket with a bunch of random homemade kitchen stuff, toss them in the bathtub, and MAKE A CLONE. Granted that sounds more like the start of a longer film, but just as food for thought on the idea.
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    Senior Member arroway's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MML View Post
    I loved this. Such an original idea and so funny. I was cracking up through the whole thing. Tucker and Brett's dialog was great.
    Thanks!

    The only thing I wasn't nuts about was the end. Just thought it went a tad too far.
    Hehe, that's definitely not the first time someone said that about my work...

    well it was unique and I didn't see it coming, but it seemed like it was trying to be "light" and "dark" comedy at the same time
    Interesting. Can you point out the specifics of this light/dark conflict? I definitely threw in a few "Brady Bunch" moments (like the dog barking in reply), which i thought would be somewhat funny given the context of the scene...but maybe not.


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    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Very clever, very funny. You're writing is always good and this is no exception.

    The dialogue was really good and funny. I pretty much laughed throughout.

    The ending was a bit over the top, but then again the whole thing is a bit over the top, and it worked for me. I love the dog barking at the end, doing viagra and meth and ultimately that his planned revenge fails.

    But I can't unsee the things I've seen. Great script!
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Arroway, Just read your script.

    Wow, you really went for the unapropriate comedy, and I laughed (what does that say about me?). The concept is excellent, the main characters are good and kind of remind me of Chuck and Morgan from the show 'Chuck". I did think the ending could have been simpler and really it's endless with what you could have done for his revenge, but I did enjoy what you created. Overall, very funny and very wrong. Congrats.


    Marshall Dean

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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    This was entertaining and fun. I thought for sure he was going to clone and rape his friend. I guess your ending was worse.
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    Senior Member arroway's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_Keaton View Post
    This was entertaining and fun. I thought for sure he was going to clone and rape his friend. I guess your ending was worse.
    LOL, that was the first draft. The friends clone walks in dressed in full BDSM regalia complete with ball gag and leash. Strangely, this newer ending feels a lot sillier and lighter-hearted than the original which seemed to lean too far towards "evil".


    I'm a little disappointed (in myself) that no one saw (or at least mentioned) any parallels between Tucker's mindset and a certain, real life, mindset that seems to be steadily brewing in our current tech-savvy culture. Not to sound like some navel-gazing, David Lynch wannabe but this whole thing was basically an attempt at a (slightly exaggerated, i admit) parody of the growing point of view that believes the use of "copies" to be exempt from any moral standard or questioning.


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    arroway -
    really awesome idea! this is a very original take on betrayal, and don't worry, the questionable morality of cloning is definitely apparent. i wish the end wasn't so over-the-top, though. i was left thinking, "what the hell just happened" instead of "that was really clever," which is what i thought of it until the end. regardless, it's a cool concept and an interesting read.


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