An experiment in desperation.
A group of snowed in mountain-climbers are forced to survive however they can, or are they?
NEWS: The rewrite is now available, anyone willing or interested in rereading/critiquing will get the returned favor or eternal thanks!
Here it is: Waste Not"]Waste Not[/URL] - Thanks in advance! I owe the rewrite to you all.
3 - Actors
This will play well visually on screen. No effects, just straight-up good acting.
Will need one solid male lead. Think, young Martin Sheen in the opening hotel scene of Apocolypse Now.
Thread: Waste Not
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01-05-2010 02:58 PM
Last edited by Anthony Todaro; 02-18-2010 at 01:21 AM.
01-05-2010 03:14 PM
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
Welcome. Good luck!
01-05-2010 03:22 PM
Looking forward to the read, Anthony. This fest will be nothing but a great help for you and future scripts.
01-05-2010 09:35 PM
Thanks all. I was expecting to get turned upside down and thrown in a trash can...
Oh wait, that's on the results day!
Thanks again for the support. This site is really invaluable, glad to be here.
01-06-2010 12:51 AM
Three test subjects in a snowstorm simulator (or not).
At least one knows it's a simulation.
(OR at least one thinks it's a simulation)
When cannibalism is proposed
Observer Effect kicks in.
"You're not really going to eat me, are you?"
Hugh! (collegehumor logo).
I like it.
01-06-2010 04:06 PM
01-11-2010 12:34 PM
I thought this was pretty interesting even if it was a little 'out there'.
It's hard to connect with characters when there is such little background information but that's hard to accomplish in six pages. You did make me feel very cold and I could see it playing out clearly in my mind. Scary situation.
01-11-2010 01:03 PM
Okay, so this is me overthinking, but why did he bring the gun with only three rounds? I mean, your average revolver holds six (or five if a little snub-nose .38), so why not fill 'er up? I'm also a little confused as to the sequence of events. Blake finds his last round in the envelope with a message scratched in blood, suggesting that his ex did this somehow after he shot her, as she was dying; but then later it's said that she did it before all that, so why write the message in blood, and why would she even have taken the cartridge apart?
That aside, you do a good job of setting the mood and revealing the full situation slowly as you go along. It's going to be pretty common, I think, for readers of this to immediately think about the book/movie "Alive" when Blake starts eating his ex (I know I did), but to find out later that he's the one that killed them because she was cheating on him with the other corpse adds another level and distinguishes your scenario from that.
But I think the twist at the end actually works against the mood by pulling us out of the sitatuation you've created into (IMO, anyway) a fairly typical "alien observer" cliche. I think it would be stronger just showing Blake curled up with the empty gun in his mouth and then fading out on the shot of the tent in the snow. (Although I really have no leg to stand on with regards to sci-fi twists coming out of the blue in this Fest. )The Plinkett Equation:
TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
__________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second
F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000
01-11-2010 07:26 PM
The alien angle was different, but without enough interaction with characters in
dialogue, it was difficult to read. Still, good job in trying out a 'twist' ending."Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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