When you enter The Cuckoo Pass, prepare to not return.
script is unproduced and available
Thread: The Cuckoo Pass Incident
Results 1 to 10 of 16
12-09-2009 06:17 AM
Last edited by mookid; 01-12-2010 at 09:50 AM. Reason: updated logline
12-11-2009 07:59 AM
Sounds like you're packing a lot of story into 6 pages, looking forward to seeing how it turns out.
12-12-2009 02:17 PM
heh, I learned some valuable lessons from the last scriptfest in that regard. The description is really just the backstory and atmosphere that I try to build.
12-15-2009 02:26 PM
The scriptfests are great for learning the craft. I've picked up valuable lessons from each scriptfest that I've entered.
Looking forward to seeing how the backstory and atmoshere work in with the story.
12-18-2009 12:24 AM
Sounds good man. It's threads like these that make me glad I'm back in the game.
01-12-2010 10:33 AM
Give your character names, instead of "Guy #1" and "Guy #2" - those descriptions are usually for minor
cameo roles but your characters were in the entire story. Give us a name and then give us a trait
so that we can identify with the characters. Good luck."Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
Portfolio of an Entertainment Blogger
01-12-2010 11:27 AM
Loved the last line. Nice way to finish. This seemed pretty polished and I enjoyed the read.
The dialogue seemed to work pretty well. The only thing that brought me out was the movie quote.
01-13-2010 04:07 PM
Well done, good story.
It would be nice if the guys had names and something to distinguish them, but it didn't take me out of the story that is there.
The action was written well and I could see everything happening as you wrote it.
The dialogue sounds natural, but I thought it could be trimmed a little (definitely the movie quote). I felt that the flashbacks could also maybe trimmed and condensed a little to pick up the pace of the story. But these are minor things.
Regardless, I enjoyed the script and I liked that the woman turned out to be the "Cuckoo". Good work.
01-14-2010 07:05 PMI mean all the radioactivity and the mutants won’t help...
You have some grammatical errors (in the line above, I believe there should be a comma after "I mean") and some oddities of language:
One day I will find out who did it.
I'm usually a fan of just dropping the reader into the middle of the script and not wasting time on explaining the universe that's been created, but I think sending your cast after "metal" may be just a little too vague. For that matter, I can't imagine any situation where customers wouldn't mind U-238 contamination.
I realize I sound pretty critical here, but I really did like the script.The Plinkett Equation:
TOS16 + TNG5 + DS94 + VOY11 + ENT 8
__________________________________________________ = History is changing every 23 millionths of a second
F649 + Alp987 + Bet934 + Gam764 + Del837 * 100,000,000,000
01-14-2010 08:59 PM