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    Mercy - by Troy Ruff
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    Senior Member Troy Ruff's Avatar
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    ok Here is my thread for my script, don't ask me why I haven't started one till now, but please any comments on my script would be greatly appreciated. Good or bad. Thanks guys. I can't wait to read yours.
    Troy Ruff | Director/Producer
    Check out my new site! www.ruffproductions.net
    email: ruff_troy@yahoo.com


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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    What the heck kind of font is that? :0

    But seriously I only have craft comments.
    - You had a lot of dialog just running with nothing visually described. Do you expect the actors and/or director to figure out what they are doing why they chat? Of course if you are directing it that don't matter so much.
    - Action blocks usually describe what is seen in one shot. But you have super heavy blocks that probably be broken up.
    - The parentheticals (dialog directions) are supposed to be in parenthesis under the name and on top of the dialog.
    - There is a standard font and such that everyone kind of expects. Just grab one of them screenwriting books or ask around, they're easy to pick up, hell I did.

    It was a nice tragic tale. Good Job. As you can see my biggest problems are just nitpicky points.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    #3
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
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    A good moral dilemma, liked the dark tone of this piece but the technical aspects of your script were far too many to ignore, it became distracting. The potential is there and the ideas are good, just work on your craft.


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    Like the others said the core is decent, but the formatting is off. I'd suggest downloading something like celtex (free software) to help with formatting.


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    #5
    Senior Member Troy Ruff's Avatar
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    sweet thanks everyone for there comments, I do agree with you all, I am not much of a writer, but I love to direct. And Im trying to get better at the writing. Format I will get better at for sure. Thanks again.
    Troy Ruff | Director/Producer
    Check out my new site! www.ruffproductions.net
    email: ruff_troy@yahoo.com


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    I liked the way you threw us right into the story and let us figure out what was going on as the story progressed. I was really surprised by the ending. I didn't expect for Kiera to have been bitten as well. Now that I know the ending, I wonder if you could have had some hints throughout the script? Maybe Kiera could have been a bit hesitant to kill Nick, since she believed the same fate would be coming to her as well? I enjoyed the script and I look forward to seeing the film.


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    Senior Member Troy Ruff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kennethhurd View Post
    I liked the way you threw us right into the story and let us figure out what was going on as the story progressed. I was really surprised by the ending. I didn't expect for Kiera to have been bitten as well. Now that I know the ending, I wonder if you could have had some hints throughout the script? Maybe Kiera could have been a bit hesitant to kill Nick, since she believed the same fate would be coming to her as well? I enjoyed the script and I look forward to seeing the film.
    Thanks, it is going to be alot of fun. I did think about having Kiera be like you said hesitant. But I think in the end I went with selfishness, by taking the focus off of her to Nick, so is just as afraid. I really appreciate everyones comments. It helps me learn.
    Troy Ruff | Director/Producer
    Check out my new site! www.ruffproductions.net
    email: ruff_troy@yahoo.com


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    Makes sense. Maybe, at the end, she could say something to hammer in her selfishness just before she attacks Jason?


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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Troy, I enjoyed the read, thanks.

    Agree with the formatting issues above, but as you are making it I am sure you know what you are after. I don't know what was happening right at the end with the window shot, I assume he got a shot off before he died. If that is the case, what about himself? may be one shot, then a couple second later another, so he gets them both and all three end up dead?
    I liked the story, the characters and the small world you created. I liked your ending. Overall, a good read and i look forward to seeing it filmed. Well done.


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    #10
    Senior Member Troy Ruff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkElastic View Post
    Hi Troy, I enjoyed the read, thanks.

    Agree with the formatting issues above, but as you are making it I am sure you know what you are after. I don't know what was happening right at the end with the window shot, I assume he got a shot off before he died. If that is the case, what about himself? may be one shot, then a couple second later another, so he gets them both and all three end up dead?
    I liked the story, the characters and the small world you created. I liked your ending. Overall, a good read and i look forward to seeing it filmed. Well done.
    Thanks, ya the alt. ending would be left for the viewer to decide who is shot, and if Jason did shot Kiera, he has already been bit, so really he is going to die as well. But I like leaving it for the audience. Thanks again for your comments, I learn with every comment.
    Troy Ruff | Director/Producer
    Check out my new site! www.ruffproductions.net
    email: ruff_troy@yahoo.com


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