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    #11
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    Apologies to anyone trying to read my script. My link seems to be down and the guys appear to be working on it.

    Hopefully it will be up later.


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    #12
    Member mookid's Avatar
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    I haven't read the original story so I don't know how much of this script is King's and how much of it is yours. But the sophistication is very high, compared to all the other entries in this contest.
    It is actually so high that I am not worthy to comment on it since I can hardly figure out myself how these words and sentences were formed into such strong mental images. Definitely worth keeping and studying. Would be an epic short film.


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    #13
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Feels like you were rushed a bit. I would, if you kept it at six pages, dump the V.O. we don't need the history, just play the scene we'll keep up. I'd also examine the dialog some of it just sounded strange. I imagine this is because you had cut other stuff out to fit, at least that's what I'm guessing. Good job.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #14
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Sean, I enjoyed yours and King's story, thanks.

    I suppose that will work against you using someone else's story to adapt to your own script, especially someone as well known all over the world as King is.
    I liked it though. Obviously a big story cramped down to 6 pages, but it had everything you need to be good, interesting characters, a man fighting for his family and monsters, or vampire in this case.

    Overall a good read, well done and I look forward to seeing your full adaptation of it.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #15
    Senior Member RodThompson's Avatar
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    FYI...I put down the short story no more than a minute ago, and SALEM'S LOT is my penultimate favorite book ever. So...before I give you a review...KNOW THIS!


    EDIT FOR REVIEW:

    Well...it was the same story. In some cases the same exact words that King wrote. Can't hate ya for doing a spot on adaptation!
    Last edited by RodThompson; 09-15-2009 at 09:59 PM.


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    #16
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
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    It's dark, cold, and extremely good. A wonderful adaptation.

    Booth pulls the crucifix out of my shirt and shows him.
    Action randomly became first person, I knew what was meant but just thought I'd let you know its there.

    I would lose the opening and closing voice-over though. A possibility in the closing is:
    a shot of the rear-view mirror or out the back window of the little girl, standing in the road, watching, waiting, and holding out her arms before the snow hides her from the audience's view.

    Looking forward to more.


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    #17
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    Feels like you were rushed a bit.
    Not in the slightest. I was adapting this story and figured it would be a good writing exercise to tell the tale in less space. Pumped in 8 hours
    into this draft. I've written feature drafts in that time (not great ones though lol!)


    I'd also examine the dialog some of it just sounded strange.
    Could you point this out as I've been so close to this piece, I'm starting to think in a New England voice.




    I suppose that will work against you using someone else's story to adapt to your own script
    I was thinking of submitting my own story instead, as you don't get the same thrill when people review your work that is based on someone else's story/
    But since it was a monster fest, I figured he's the King of horror (pun fully intended), and it would be good practice to cut a story down to it's
    core. Lose all that is not needed. Try and tell a killer tale in six minutes that has it all, drama, loss, horror, ticking clock, hero's, villains. The works and make it work.

    I didn't think this could be told in less than 15 pages. I knocked my own socks off getting it to six as I always tended to overwrite in some cases
    before. So this has helped me learn a lot about writing, use of words and overall story telling.

    My goal in this was two fold. Be faithful to this wonderful tale. Tightened it down without losing the essence. I'm delighted I managed both.



    Well...it was the same story. In some cases the same exact words that King wrote. Can't hate ya for doing a spot on adaptation!
    Thanks I'll take this as a compliment as this was my goal (as mentioned). It was have been silly to adapt it and change it till I broke it.
    What I've learned is Mr. King is a much better writer than I gave him credit for and I've always seen him as best story teller I have ever read.
    When you break down one of his stories and study it to it's core. Every line, every character, every beat, every plot point - it sends chills
    and I'm not blowing smoke. I've learned more about the art of writing from just attempting to adapt this story. If I failed in adapting it 100%
    I would have been gutted. So thank you means a lot.


    It's dark, cold, and extremely good. A wonderful adaptation.
    Thank you. You've made this writer very happy ;-)

    Damn a typo 'me' that's what comes from typing as you listen to the audio story I guess (as tale is told in first person) lol!

    I included the voice over as I just love the line/warning of the little girl and it opened up so many possibilities in my head. Who is Booth
    telling the story to and why??? Just dipped into my imagination more.


    I haven't read the original story so I don't know how much of this script is King's and how much of it is yours. But the sophistication is very high, compared to all the other entries in this contest.
    It is actually so high that I am not worthy to comment on it since I can hardly figure out myself how these words and sentences were formed into such strong mental images. Definitely worth keeping and studying. Would be an epic short film.
    Wow. I'm extremely humbled. Thank you for the wonderful comments. This is Stephen King's story first and foremost. To alter beyond what he created would
    have done a wonderful tale a massive injustice. Some words are mine, some are his. The story is everyones.......


    Presently adapting this into a feature length script. Onwards and upwards.

    Thanks to all.


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    #18
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seansshack View Post
    I didn't think this could be told in less than 15 pages. I knocked my own socks off getting it to six as I always tended to overwrite in some cases
    before. So this has helped me learn a lot about writing, use of words and overall story telling.
    That's what these Fests are all about.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #19
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seansshack View Post
    Not in the slightest. I was adapting this story and figured it would be a good writing exercise to tell the tale in less space. Pumped in 8 hours
    into this draft. I've written feature drafts in that time (not great ones though lol!)


    Could you point this out as I've been so close to this piece, I'm starting to think in a New England voice.
    I dug through my closet and found the original and reallize the dialog was prety spot on and frankly everything else was.

    Is that a good thing? Maybe. King's stories are notoriously under performing when it comes to the screen. Why?

    I'm on the fence on direct adaptations versus some modification. But more often than not a direct adaptation doesn't appeal to me as much as an adaption that modifies a story to fit the screen more perfectly. The pacing and feel of a visual piece isn't often repeated on the screen by simply reformating the short story to a screenplay format. The audience is in a different environment, mood, and mindset. There of course are other considerations like the imediate punch needed in the for 10 min of a feature and 1-2 minutes of short. And when all is said and done there still needs to be a three act structure of some sort or another. Now I'm not saying this all about your piece, but about adaptations in general. This is why I always laugh when people say adaptations must be easy. Once they try one their tune changes.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #20
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    Far from easy as you're adapting from one medium to another. Actually I'll rephrase that. It's easy to get it wrong.

    Direct adaptations are fine if the original is a strong piece without flaws. But if it's not, theres little point in adapting that which didn't work well in the first place.


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