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    Praying For Bears
    #1
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
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    Title: Praying for Bears

    Tagline: Camp isn't the only thing to dread about these woods.

    Logline: A group of treasure seekers gets more then they bargained for when accidentally angering a territorial beast.




    DISCLAIMER: I'm a bad proof-reader, It should have read MORGAN AND NATE!
    Last edited by MrKilloran; 09-14-2009 at 11:24 PM.


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    #2
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
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    Nice title. It sounds like your characters are in for a big struggle.


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    #3
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    Cool title. My curiosity is officially piqued.


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    #4
    Senior Member Rustom Irani's Avatar
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    If this is like "The Goonies" meets "The Edge" you've got yourself a winner.

    Nice title!


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    #5
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    This is the first short that feels like a scene in a larger film. Like we are walking into a movie late. It certainly follows the monster story pattern, but I'm disappointed there was no underage drinking or sex. I mean that is guaranteed reason to get mauled.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #6
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    I was a little confused at first at the end spoiler alert....


    It says that "Above Ashley and Nate the sun rises" but I thought Ashley was dead earlier on. I think it was a typo and supposed to be Morgan at the end I think.

    Overall pretty good.


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    #7
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
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    Spoiler response:





    Quote Originally Posted by jmoschner View Post
    It says that "Above Ashley and Nate the sun rises" but I thought Ashley was dead earlier on. I think it was a typo and supposed to be Morgan at the end I think.
    Damn, I wrote the wrong name!... It is supposed to be MORGAN in that final scene, Ashley is dead, or at the very least she's still bleeding to death on that tree branch, and its not a ghostly image of her. My apologies for being a terrible proof-reader.
    Last edited by MrKilloran; 09-14-2009 at 10:46 PM.


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    #8
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrKilloran View Post
    Damn, I wrote the wrong name!... It is supposed to be MORGAN in that final scene, Ashley is dead, or at the very least she's still bleeding to death on that tree branch, and its not a ghostly image of her. My apologies for being a terrible proof-reader.
    Ha-ha that's what I thought.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #9
    Member mookid's Avatar
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    Good story and vivid descriptions.
    It was easy to imagine it as a sequence of shots in a movie. The writing shows a nice variety of sentence structure and broad vocabulary. It was fluid reading with full immersion.

    I liked how it started off already at high energy and then you buried the rest of the exposition behind some funny interaction. The audience has no reason to be bored. Characters behave very human, inviting actors to prove their abilities.

    Overall, one of my favourite scripts in this contest.


    <spoilers>

    fav moment:
    NATE
    (To Trevor & Ashley)
    At least some people appreciate a good time.

    THUD! Kyle’s mauled corpse falls into the fire. Everyone
    screams.
    The second half feels less inventive. I thought there were too many fortunate coincidences. The monster followed their scent but it's still unable to follow them into a building. I would have expected some clever trick from Nate instead of dumbing down the monster and its tracking skills.

    Also who did Owens write that message for and why did he point at it when he died? Without further clues it doesnt feel natural for a recluse mass murderer.


    </spoiler>


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    #10
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    I enjoyed this script. It was unique, entertaining, and kept me guessing at what would happen next. I thought the characters were well developed and your monster worked well.


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