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    OCTOBER NOVEMBER DISMEMBER - A Script By Ben Sliker
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    Pain In The Ass 2.0 Ben Sliker's Avatar
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    A long time ago, I considered making this for Monsterfest. But since I can't, might as well share it with you fine people.


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    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
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    Great title. Has a nice ring to it.


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    lol

    best title of fest.


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    Pain In The Ass 2.0 Ben Sliker's Avatar
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    i have to give credit where credit is due. The title is all Joe Johnson. He's the best at coming up with ridiculous combinations of words.


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    Pain In The Ass 2.0 Ben Sliker's Avatar
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    uploaded! enjoy!


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    Senior Member ZazaCast's Avatar
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    Looking forward to the read!




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    Pain In The Ass 2.0 Ben Sliker's Avatar
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    ugh ... caught a typo ... Page 4. 3rd Paragraph. Should be "hear Brian" not "hear Jesse".


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    Your characters are lively and entertaining! I liked how you started with the news broadcast to set things up. Your story flows well, but I felt that the conversation between the band members lasted too long. I felt that the action could have started up sooner. Since you still have an extra page, maybe you could add in cut away shots of the zombie outbreak during the band's conversation? This could add a bit more atmosphere into the short. Are you planning on shooting this script for MonsterFest? I'd love to see the final film.


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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Ben, I enjoyed the read, thanks.

    I like the new perspective of a zombie attack and reminds me of the solution in Mars Attacks. I liked the typical band member character personalities.
    What happened to Brian, he was getting eaten and then he was playing in the band, unless he was dead??? I'm sure if a zombie was eating my neck I would scream like a girl!
    I feel this needs more, you set the world and then we are confined in this world. You also need to decide which way to take it, comedy or drama, I couldn't decide which one you were going for.

    Overall, an interesting take on the zombie genre. Well done.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    Pain In The Ass 2.0 Ben Sliker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kennethhurd View Post
    Your characters are lively and entertaining! I liked how you started with the news broadcast to set things up. Your story flows well, but I felt that the conversation between the band members lasted too long. I felt that the action could have started up sooner. Since you still have an extra page, maybe you could add in cut away shots of the zombie outbreak during the band's conversation? This could add a bit more atmosphere into the short. Are you planning on shooting this script for MonsterFest? I'd love to see the final film.
    kenneth, thanks for the comments. I guess I really never thought about it that way. Since originally I was going to try and shoot this, I wrote a 'within my means to shoot' script. Never took a second 'i can do whatever i want' pass at it!

    Joe had the suggestion that they should have strapped giant speakers to the side of a truck and slowly drove down the street, rocking out/blowing up zombies, but I thought it was a little too 'Mars Attacks'. Then at the same time, I don't really think the story is about the zombie attack, more about these three losers finding their true calling.

    Thanks again for the read.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkElastic View Post
    Hi Ben, I enjoyed the read, thanks.

    I like the new perspective of a zombie attack and reminds me of the solution in Mars Attacks. I liked the typical band member character personalities.
    What happened to Brian, he was getting eaten and then he was playing in the band, unless he was dead??? I'm sure if a zombie was eating my neck I would scream like a girl!
    I feel this needs more, you set the world and then we are confined in this world. You also need to decide which way to take it, comedy or drama, I couldn't decide which one you were going for.

    Overall, an interesting take on the zombie genre. Well done.
    haha, another Mars Attacks reference. I swear I wasn't thinking about that movie when I wrote this. In hindsight, I think my script is lacking some detail. All the stuff that I would have had in storyboards and the like, but not in my script. I imagined Brian to be holding a cloth or something up to his neck and then his bass in the other. I guess replace "scream like a girl" with Brian "screams with ridiculously high-pitched voice." and oops, another detail I missed. I assume Brian would also push the zombie off him, just as Miles would. Man ... this is so much easier to do visually ...

    It's a full blown comedy. Any 'dramatic' lines should be read as if the characters take themselves too seriously. I really think that would be a performance element.

    Again, I wrote this based on the means that I had to shoot it. The nice thing about a movie about a garage band is that the only set you need is a garage. I also thought it was neat that only AFTER they discover their zombie killing ability, do they make their way out of the garage.

    Well, now i'm rambling... thanks for the read.


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