Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
  1. Collapse Details
    BACKBONE - by Tim Joy
    #1
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Middlebury, Vermont
    Posts
    1,974
    Default


    Could you kill if it meant helping the lives of millions?



    Logline-

    A medical research doctor creates unintended consequences while on a quest to cure millions.
    Last edited by Tim Joy; 09-09-2009 at 06:19 AM.


    Reply With Quote
     

  2. Collapse Details
    #2
    Member mookid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Hannover/GER
    Posts
    59
    Default
    looks like you already discovered the spine of your story


    Reply With Quote
     

  3. Collapse Details
    #3
    Senior Member ZazaCast's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    8,085
    Default
    20 more drafts and you're there!


    Reply With Quote
     

  4. Collapse Details
    #4
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Middlebury, Vermont
    Posts
    1,974
    Default
    ... maybe I'll go to 21, for that extra 1 bit of scripty goodness.


    Reply With Quote
     

  5. Collapse Details
    #5
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Middlebury, Vermont
    Posts
    1,974
    Default
    Quote Originally Posted by mookid View Post
    looks like you already discovered the spine of your story
    HA HA ! Give this man a cake


    Reply With Quote
     

  6. Collapse Details
    #6
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Middlebury, Vermont
    Posts
    1,974
    Default
    New logline----

    A medical research doctor creates unintended consequences while on a quest to cure millions.

    Can it get anymore vague than that? It doesn't say much or create any intrigue, but I hate giving away too much of the story beforehand. Maybe after y'all read it someone will have a better suggestion.


    Reply With Quote
     

  7. Collapse Details
    #7
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    Posts
    1,957
    Default
    I liked it. The story wasn't bogged down with a bunch of backstory. It reminded me initially of 'The Tingler' which I think is being remade.

    There was one line where the dude says, "I'm going to be so famous" That just didn't sound right for a scientist. Otherwise good job.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


    Reply With Quote
     

  8. Collapse Details
    #8
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Perth, Western Australia
    Posts
    843
    Default
    I enjoyed the read, Tim:

    Spoilers below:






    I thought it was a very good horror short, reminds me of invasion of the body snatches. I like the premise and the pressure on Alan to follow through on what he promised, so he decides to get the spines himself. And I love that the spine takes retribution.
    I don't get why the Alan isn't doing the experiment. Something this important i would expect him there.

    Overall, I thought this was a very good read. Well done mate.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


    Reply With Quote
     

  9. Collapse Details
    #9
    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Rhode Island
    Posts
    559
    Default
    It certainly feels like an old B-Monster movie, I enjoyed it.

    Alan is at times passionate, self-obsessed, and immoral to complete his work and reap the benefits his work will bring. The many facets to his character play out nicely, I think he wasn't at the experiment cause he was so sure that it would work he could just have someone else perform all the tedious work while he was off being a narcissist.

    The "I love you" bit is a tad cliche' but in this world it works. I especially liked the monster itself, how it maintained this sort of bizarre humanity hell bent on revenge was interesting. Nice work.



    Reply With Quote
     

  10. Collapse Details
    #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Indianapolis, IN
    Posts
    32
    Default
    When I read the part with the guy removing the spine I had flash backs of Repo the Genetic Opera


    Reply With Quote
     

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •