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    The Monster of Evergreen Lane
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    Hello,
    I hope I'm doing this right. I saw several others start threads for their scripts and thought I'd follow suit.

    My entry is tentatively titled "The Monster of Evergreen Lane"

    The basic premise is that a guy hits a creature that has been terrorizing his neighbor hood with his car. He then brings it back to his garage for what ends up a very one sided interrogation.

    I have no plans to film the script and this is my first fest entry.


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    #2
    cool little "title" Charli's Avatar
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    He hits the creature, but any normal human being would just run over it a few times to make sure it's dead (like what I tried to do with a snake once) so why would there be an interrogation unless the main character is personally/emotionally involved in the actions of said creature?
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charli View Post
    He hits the creature, but any normal human being would just run over it a few times to make sure it's dead (like what I tried to do with a snake once) so why would there be an interrogation unless the main character is personally/emotionally involved in the actions of said creature?
    There are lots of reasons for a person to take something they hit on the road back home. Plus the definition of a "normal human being" varies wildly from place to place.

    Not to spoil the actual story, here are a few reasons a person may take the creature back to their place:

    • Panics (He just panics and throws it in the trunk and goes home then things go south. You just assume the guy is doing the questioning)
    • Morbid curiosity (I have friends that would take a monster home)
    • Personal link (Maybe he knows or has some connection to the critter, like it ate his hamster or it did bad things to his grandma)
    • Mistaken identity (He could think it is puppy or a homeless guy until he wipes off the blood back home)
    • Lonely freak job (he could be lonely and just want something to talk to)
    • Trophy (Could want to keep the road kill as a strange souvenir then it wakes up and interrogates him about where it is)
    • Profit (Think how much a live monster could go for on ebay or a tabloid or the black market)
    • It got stuck (maybe the creature got stuck to the car and he had to drive home where he could scrap it off)
    • Car Jacking (maybe the creature just let itself get hit and wants to steal the car but can't drive)
    • Really lonely freak job (The creature is warm, wet, and he has web cam and well...)
    • Animal Lover (does not know it is a monster just thinks it is a strange animal and takes it home to nurse it back to health then things go south)
    • Power (maybe he knows of the creature and the legends that if you skin it and wear the skin you gain its power, but he can't exactly skin it in the middle of the road without a knife)
    • Power 2 (He has to eat it to gain its power so he takes it home and all goes south)
    • Hero (he knows it has been doing the bad stuff so he takes it home to show off the the neighbors)
    • Hard to kill (maybe the creature is like a vampire or were-critter and he needs to kill it a special way so he has to take it home to kill properly).
    • Crime (Perhaps it is a crime to kill the monster because monsters have been labeled an endangered species so he has to kill it at his place to avoid jail time or a fine)
    • It won't let go (the creature is still alive and refuses to let go of the hood so he has to pull into his garage a few feet away to try to get it off)

    That's just a few ideas off the top of my head.


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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Holy Crap! You put way too much time into that answer.

    Quote Originally Posted by jmoschner View Post
    There are lots of reasons for a person to take something they hit on the road back home. Plus the definition of a "normal human being" varies wildly from place to place.

    Not to spoil the actual story, here are a few reasons a person may take the creature back to their place:

    • Panics (He just panics and throws it in the trunk and goes home then things go south. You just assume the guy is doing the questioning)
    • Morbid curiosity (I have friends that would take a monster home)
    • Personal link (Maybe he knows or has some connection to the critter, like it ate his hamster or it did bad things to his grandma)
    • Mistaken identity (He could think it is puppy or a homeless guy until he wipes off the blood back home)
    • Lonely freak job (he could be lonely and just want something to talk to)
    • Trophy (Could want to keep the road kill as a strange souvenir then it wakes up and interrogates him about where it is)
    • Profit (Think how much a live monster could go for on ebay or a tabloid or the black market)
    • It got stuck (maybe the creature got stuck to the car and he had to drive home where he could scrap it off)
    • Car Jacking (maybe the creature just let itself get hit and wants to steal the car but can't drive)
    • Really lonely freak job (The creature is warm, wet, and he has web cam and well...)
    • Animal Lover (does not know it is a monster just thinks it is a strange animal and takes it home to nurse it back to health then things go south)
    • Power (maybe he knows of the creature and the legends that if you skin it and wear the skin you gain its power, but he can't exactly skin it in the middle of the road without a knife)
    • Power 2 (He has to eat it to gain its power so he takes it home and all goes south)
    • Hero (he knows it has been doing the bad stuff so he takes it home to show off the the neighbors)
    • Hard to kill (maybe the creature is like a vampire or were-critter and he needs to kill it a special way so he has to take it home to kill properly).
    • Crime (Perhaps it is a crime to kill the monster because monsters have been labeled an endangered species so he has to kill it at his place to avoid jail time or a fine)
    • It won't let go (the creature is still alive and refuses to let go of the hood so he has to pull into his garage a few feet away to try to get it off)

    That's just a few ideas off the top of my head.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    It has been uploaded.


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    #6
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    This was interesting. I'm glad I didn't submit my comedy it was similar. Not sure a monster as a victim fits the rules but we don't need no stinkin' rules.

    Spoiler alert...


    I think the universe you built is interesting, especially the whole monsters living in the neighborhood. So this guy really is the monster. It's an interesting take society norms and what is acceptable and monstrous.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    Senior Member MrKilloran's Avatar
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    Kind of funny, Nice reversal of who's the monster, who isn't. Sort of has a hostel take on the serial killer, mutilation and gore are enjoyable for this man in a world of monsters.

    I couldn't really feel sympathetic for the "monster" simply because I didn't know enough about it. Was really just a body to take punishment, however Jake came across as a very sinister type. A few technical/grammar issues but nothing major.


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    Not sure a monster as a victim fits the rules
    It just said it had to have a monster per the definition, and by the definition the human is the monster.

    A few technical/grammar issues but nothing major.
    Would have been fewer technical/grammar issues but this was basically just a first draft I churned out in about an hour or so.
    Edit: if you want feel free to point out any of the technical errors in case it is something I often overlook but shouldn't.

    I contemplated expanding on the "monster" but was afraid that any explanation before hand would ruin the final reveal. Also I'm not sure how much you should sympathize with the kid. He is in essence a horrible kid that may very well be better off dead or at least in jail.



    Love the feed back, hope to get more.
    Last edited by jmoschner; 09-14-2009 at 11:28 PM.


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    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Jmoschner, thanks for the read.

    I nice 180 on the whole monster victim idea.

    There is definately room for improvement on the action and dialogue, you can tell it is an early draft.

    I was a little confused at the end:

    After a moment the door opens, and what looks to be another
    LARGER CREATURE enters. What can only be described as a look
    of hope crosses the mutilated monster’s face.
    The larger creature makes a series of sounds and the look of
    hope fades to hopelessness.
    The larger creature peals off its face to reveal Jake. Jake
    sits the face on a shelf by the door.
    JAKE (cont’d)
    That was your mom. She was
    wondering if I had seen you. Poor
    deluded soul thinks you’re actually
    a good kid. Well at least she will
    never know what a...oh yeah silly
    me...
    Jake repeats himself and continues on in the creature’s
    tongue.
    The fake face sits staring off into nothing as the sounds of
    the circular saw and creature’s demise fill the room.

    Is he a human living in a community of monsters, where he disguises himself as one of them, for his own perverse ends?

    Overall, a good entertaining script with a refreshing mix. Good work.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    Thanks for the feedback.
    Is he a human living in a community of monsters, where he disguises himself as one of them, for his own perverse ends?
    Sure you can go with that. I was thinking in terms of he is the monster, the strange freaky creature that disguises itself as a normal person outside its lair.


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