The Loch Monster

[polfilmblog]

Monsterfest entry attached (pdf)...

(Does this count as an official entry?)

[Nektonic]

(Does this count as an official entry?)

Actually, you're supposed to wait until the mods announce an entry upload thread. When that is announced, usually towards the end of the writing period, you will then need to upload a PDF of your scriptfest entry to the designated upload page.

As far as I know, we are not supposed to post our scripts in our threads. I would take your attached file down, because technically they could disqualify you for it.

[polfilmblog]

Okay, I removed it.

It doesn't say that in the original post.

[Nektonic]

Okay, I removed it.

It doesn't say that in the original post.

I'm positive that with the past script fests, the rules always stated that we are not supposed to share our script with the forum until the official share/upload time comes.

I'm not a mod, so if I were you, just PM Isaac Brody with any specific questions.

Loch Monster... sounds good. I assume you're referring to the legendary creature of Scotland. Anyways, welcome to ScriptFest and good luck.

[polfilmblog]

Now that the script is posted, anyone can plainly see that it is simply the greatest short film monster script ever conceived by humanity.

You're welcome.

[MrKilloran]

It's certainly creative. I just think the simple script lost its way at the end and got a little too ridiculous and threw in too many ideas.

The story of a teacher, a good straight man to how crazy things get, helping kids find their dog and discover the loch ness monster was good. Not exactly sure Steve has a real arch though.

Then you introduced Ahab, a character that resembles Quint from Jaws but with a reality show, kinda of a Quint/Steve Erwin mash-up. He's certainly a funny character but he just shows up, a lot of dialogue explains this. I think the story would benefit with a bit more focus or subtlety with less dialogue.

[spoiler] the ufo really comes out of left field, it was such an albatross that I was completely thrown off. Might just be I didn't like the alien twist, still a little scared from Indy 4 perhaps. [End Spoiler]

I thought Ahab's final line was pretty funny, still promoting that TV show, I was laughing. Good work, just a little baffling.

[Chris_Keaton]

Wow, that was trippy. I'm assuming this was meant as a comedy. The Ahab appearance made be guffaw and his last line. Some of the dialog was flat ridiculous. I could really see a group of kids doing this, could be fun.

[jmoschner]

It kinda reminded me of watching Sealab 2021 on adult swim. I could see this as an animated short on adult swim.

[polfilmblog]

I think it could be expanded to 8-9 pages, if not constrained by the competition limit. I did cut some stuff.

"Comedy?"

I don't know what you're talking about.

[DarkElastic]

Polfilmblog, thanks for the read and tears of laughter.

I am looking forward to Lawries take on this, as I am an Englishman and I thought those characters and names were so... Sterio typical. Scottie Dog, Hahahaha.
I would expect some of this kind of writing from an American who has only seen Scotland on the TV. Are you American Polfilm?
Ahab is a sterio typical sea captain, and you have definately modelled him off the Ahab from Moby Dick, but with a today twist, his TV show... Fantastic.
if you were serious about it, I would say some of the dialogue needs work.
I loved the twist, but lost what was happening as it rose in the air, could do with some work here.
I still have tears in my eyes, shaking my head with a large smile on my face.

Funny as hell, always one in the pack. Loved it, you racist!!! ;-) Good work.