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    #11
    Senior Member stinkpot's Avatar
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    Aug 2005
    Location
    Happy Land - Cleveland
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    851
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    I like the poster. Welcome to the fest!

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    #12
    Senior Member Robert Eldon's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    Location
    Murrieta, CA, USA
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    893
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    Love the locations and the story synopsis. Looking forward to seeing your film!


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    #13
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    Hey, thanks ... looking forward to see all of your films too....


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    #14
    Senior Member Matt Harris's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    Location
    West Hollywood, CA
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    1,624
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    Nice, clean poster, i like it. What did you shoot on, is that a DVX or HVX?
    Matt Harris
    Director / Composer / Colorist / Motion graphics
    http://www.imdb.me/matthewrichardharris

    DVXFEST ENTRIES: GLASSJAW / CABIN / CLARA / THE SOLUTION / LAKE WICWAS / BACKFIRE
    BOUNTY ON A DEAD MAN'S HEAD / VACCINE / NO HORIZON / THE BOATSHED / CLEAR SPACE



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    #15
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    Thanks for the comments, It's a DVX.


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    #16
    Senior Member Tim Joy's Avatar
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    May 2007
    Location
    Middlebury, Vermont
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    1,974
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    Nice poster.

    Congrats on a first entry!


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    #17
    Senior Member ramsaur's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
    Location
    Louisiana
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    1,166
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    It was really boring, too many zoom in and outs. The music was ok. You couldn't really say much to the acting. There was more camera and editing than the acting. It was an okay story. Just a guy trying to find an address, nothing exciting. Hope to see you improve on your next film


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    #18
    Actor!!!!!! Tom Marshall's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
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    7,237
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    I lost interest pretty fast. There's really nothing interesting going on. The music is too repetitive and the 4 split screen was pretty distracting.

    But since you say this was your first short film, it's not bad. Keep working on it and next time try and write a story that engages the viewer more.
    Actor / Musician


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    #19
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    Thanks for the honest Analysis ... I will Definitely try to improve ... thanks again


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    #20
    Senior Member ~jai~'s Avatar
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    Jun 2009
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
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    147
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    I really liked the idea for your film and thought you had some really nice shots. The 4 way screen was a nice touch and added to the craziness of him searching for this address/girl. My problem lies mainly in the beginning with him opening the letter. I didn't see any recognition or really any kind of angst about finding this girl/location again. He was kind of blank and that made me not really care if he ever found her or not. What was the reason for the calendar months changing? Why did he have to wait so long to go back? Also, the girl in the 4 way shot looks like she's on a beach, but he ends up finding a building. Did he find the wrong place? With your ending, I needed something more in the beginning or else I just feel like, "That's it?" Also, the score gets to be a tad too much at times. In the beginning it's a little too dramatic (I think if the payoff is in his expression or something this might not be that big a deal) and there are some dramatic switches to different music that were abrupt for what seemed like no reason.

    Overall, I have to say that this was a very good short for your first attempt and the scenery/architecture is just beautiful. Good Job and thanks for sharing!



    Jaimyon Parker
    Actor/Writer
    jaimyon@jaimyon.com
    http://www.jaimyon.com


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