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    “Gunplay” – I have been inspired.
    #1
    Senior Member leepback's Avatar
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    Howdy pardners.

    I’m fairly new around these parts and didn’t find this Westfest until it was too late but the efforts of the submitted authors have inspired me to add a script, albeit out of competition. Hope I’m not crashing the party at all.

    It’s based in current day Australia so I’ll leave it up to you to decide if it is “Western” enough. I reckon if Chris can base his on another planet then Australia should be a shoe in.

    This is the first time I’ve written a script and I confess I’m no wordsmith so the dialogue and descriptions are limited. My other short films (only seven, all under 5 minutes and amateur) have never featured dialogue so this is a jump up for me. With limited dialogue I found it a real chore to “pad” it out to the required number of pages, something you writers would find a little amusing.

    Not sure if the formatting is correct but I tried to mimic what I saw in the submitted scripts, I’m sure you will follow it OK.

    It’s fairly short so wont take up much of your time so please have a gander and let me know what you think. I’m happy to take criticism, as anybody I know will just say, “it’s really good”, regardless of the true quality.

    There’s even an alternate ending so I’d like to know what one is preferred. (probably a no–no in the real competition).

    I might even have a go at the next Scriptfest comp.

    It can be found (in PDF format) here …..enjoy (or whatever)!

    PS – If this isn’t in the correct section, could the moderators please slap me over the wrist and move it where it should go.

    Last edited by leepback; 03-31-2009 at 04:00 AM.
    "Guitar Hero" short film

    "Gunplay"which kid has the fastest draw?
    WESTFEST (non-entry)


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    #2
    Mr. Hollywood Blaine's Avatar
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    Well, I was willing to take a look at it but your link took me to some Google page requiring a logon so no-go.


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    #3
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    I logged in with my Google account, but it told me the document was unavailable.


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    #4
    Senior Member leepback's Avatar
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    I have tried another site and my colleague has tried it so I'm hopeful it now works (on original post).

    Please advise if I've still managed to stuff it up.

    Thanks for the interest.
    Last edited by leepback; 03-30-2009 at 08:04 PM.
    "Guitar Hero" short film

    "Gunplay"which kid has the fastest draw?
    WESTFEST (non-entry)


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    #5
    Senior Member TimCollins's Avatar
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    Hey man, I read your script and it was cool as hell.

    I was trying to figure out where it was going in the beginning but once I got to the 6th page I kindof got an idea of where it was headed.

    I would like the ending where the younger brother did infact shoot the older brother. That definitely makes for a more powerful conclusion. And it explains how all of the obsession with shoot-out westerns rubbed off on them.

    Very cool script man, it's too bad you didn't make it in time for the fest!
    Timothy Collins - Writer/Director - Facebook | YouTube | IMDb | Twitter


    DREAMSPACE (Short Film) - 2nd Place @ 81st annual GCA Film Festival 2012
    Scriptfest IV: "GHOST TOWN"
    - Top 10


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    #6
    Senior Member leepback's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TimCollins View Post
    cool script man, it's too bad you didn't make it in time for the fest!
    Thanks a lot, just this one comment makes me feel that I will definitely give the next contest a go. I appreciate you taking the time to look at a non-entry and reviewing it.

    Quote Originally Posted by TimCollins View Post
    I was trying to figure out where it was going in the beginning but once I got to the 6th page I kindof got an idea of where it was headed.
    Yes I'm a bit worried the end is predictable.

    Quote Originally Posted by TimCollins View Post
    I would like the ending where the younger brother did infact shoot the older brother. That definitely makes for a more powerful conclusion.
    That was my original where it ends kind of ambiguously, then I got worried as American audiences seem to need some resolution. (This opinion is even borne out of some of the reviews I've read on here)


    Will have a look at "Ghost Town" and give you a review on your page.
    "Guitar Hero" short film

    "Gunplay"which kid has the fastest draw?
    WESTFEST (non-entry)


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    #7
    Senior Member leepback's Avatar
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    Wow - over 65 people have had a look at this but only two have downloaded my script.

    Perhaps I need to show more confidence and talk myself up....unfortunately that's not how Australians of my vintage were brought up.

    Anyway the one review so far seems positive.

    Blaine has also promised me a review and I can't wait to hear what he has to say, good or bad.

    Go on download it and let me know what you think.

    It's my first written script so I really would appreciate lots of feedback.
    "Guitar Hero" short film

    "Gunplay"which kid has the fastest draw?
    WESTFEST (non-entry)


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    #8
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Maybe, my story was set on Earth after Jupiter goes super critical and pushes Saturn closer to Earth. Ok, it was another planet, but so is Australia.

    I'll check it out later.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #9
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Cool
    I liked it. Real clean and crisp writing. It could be set in any Western location. It would have been a real nice depressing piece, but you pulled your punch. It was still enjoyable. You do need to work on your formatting.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #10
    Senior Member leepback's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_Keaton View Post
    Ok, it was another planet, but so is Australia.
    We might as well be another planet as it takes so bloody long to get to anywhere else.

    Looking forward to your honest appraisal.

    EDIT: It's already there.
    Last edited by leepback; 03-31-2009 at 06:48 AM.
    "Guitar Hero" short film

    "Gunplay"which kid has the fastest draw?
    WESTFEST (non-entry)


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