Thread: Go West
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04-01-2009 03:49 PM
Talk about a dysfunctional childhood! Witnessing that kind of tragic event as a child is something that could very well create a serial killer. Had this just been some lady killing people with a Hatchet, the story would have been flat. However you are able to convey a logic that that bad guys in real life don't think they are doing anything wrong. Many do in fact think they are doing the Lord's work so the set up here was both shocking and perfect! It laid out a great foundation for a story that was a page turner.
04-07-2009 05:07 PM
"On the porch, the headless Ms. Lucy
drops the infant from her arms."
it took me a couple quick re-reads to figure out why ms. lucy was suddenly headless. as a technical aside, decapitating someone with a rifle shot would be very hard to accomplish with rifles available in the 1800's. a shotgun would be much more believable. as a further aside, i'm not sure you want to mention "headless", that seems a little bit overdone, IMO. a point blank bullet through the head of a nice lady is terrible enough...
Whatever, Mama. Have yourself a
drink and loosen up."
...sounds too contemporary.
i liked this. especially the last scene. reminded me of the movie "frailty".
04-07-2009 06:45 PM
i agree with the saloon line... a couple of people mentioned this. good call.
i will have to look up frailty, then. glad you liked it! thanks!
04-07-2009 07:15 PM
i just looked up frailty... i have actually seen that, but i couldn't stand it so i had forgotten about it... haha... now i'm not sure if you liked my script or not...lol ...kidding! ;)
Last edited by jamiejay; 04-07-2009 at 07:33 PM.