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    #31
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    So I think that out of all the villains we have seen in this fest, Wiley has got to be one of the most (if not the most) evil! Man this guy is bad and you did a good job of making us dislike him. The story was a bit disturbing but you had me glued from beginning to end. I'd like to know a little more about why Wiley was such a jerk and what made Charlie come around at the end. I think it was really cool to tie the "I may be an outlaw" line into the script and there might be something more to that. Like maybe if Charlie had some of those redeeming qualities demonstrated a little earlier in the story, it would give those final scenes even more pop. I would have loved to see Wiley get shot or something at the end it would have been cool if Charlie was the one who did it but those are just some suggestions. Thank you for sharing your story!


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    #32
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
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    359
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    i loved the opening scene! it was brilliant

    unfortunately, i wasn't as excited by the rest of the script.

    the graphic sexual violence just didn't work for me... and not that i was appalled by it at all... it's just that it took me out of the story and made it hard for me to take the rest of the script seriously...

    also, the whole scene where he sets her up to make it look like she stole a bottle from him so he could come after her didn't make sense to me. didn't he just shoot a guy in the head in the middle of a crowded dance, then shoot her in the leg and make her perform a sex act on a corpse? why would he care if he had an excuse?

    i would have liked to see it end as it began as someone said earlier...with her father dragging her through the desert. it's a powerful image! ;)

    nice work on your writing style and description. thanks for sharing!
    Script Fest IV: Go West
    Script Fest III:
    Valor

    Script Fest II: Entitled




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