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    May Be an Outlaw
    #1
    Member xxrotinivol2's Avatar
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    "MAY BE AN OUTLAW"

    Logline:
    An old man drags his daughter's body across the desert. Retribution has been paid.

    Last edited by xxrotinivol2; 03-26-2009 at 11:25 PM.


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    #2
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Interesting. It leaves me with a question that reading it will answer.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #3
    Senior Member seansshack's Avatar
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    Interesting logline.


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    #4
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    I'm seriously digging the logline.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #5
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    Bizarre, gruesome, and oddly intriguing. I look forward to reading this.


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    #6
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    very morbid and intriguing! love it!

    jamie


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    #7
    Member xxrotinivol2's Avatar
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    Out of all the excitement for this contest to start, I've finally finished my poster! Read the script, let me know what you think.
    Attached Images Attached Images


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    #8
    Senior Member nouou's Avatar
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    i just finished reading this, and i really liked it.

    i didn't read your logline at first but i easily figured out that randolph is beatrice's father, good job on that. the scene where randolph sits in his chair in his house and has the gun aimed at the door, and then it's kicked open, reminded me of kill bill vol2, which made me like that scene alot more.

    i didn't expect this to be so violent, but it's probably the most explicit script we have in the fest right now (which is good)

    good job.


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    #9
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi XX, I just read your script, thanks for entering.

    SPOILERS*

    I thought this was a horrible story (in a good way) with the bad guys winning in the end, and the good powerless against them. The father and daughter are forced to bow to these monsters. There are some really powerful scenes in there and horrific. Some of your wording let it down though, there are better ways to descibe things and I found myself being pulled out of the moment because of this.
    Your characters were well developed and your dialogue was very good. You set your scenes really well and grabbed my attention from the opening scene.
    I am sure our definitions of a number 2 are quite different?!?!

    Overall a really powerful piece, with a horrific story. Well done.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #10
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Hey there! Yes this is definately a script that will split people and while reading it myself I found myself liking parts and disliking others!

    In premise it follows the most basic principle of classic American westerns - the fight is over a woman! This setup was well represented here, we had the stage set, and potentially interesting characters - and a great and powerful opening scene! However for that to work it really needs some oomph (deeper - under the superficial gross descriptions and violent scenes) and this was a bit lacking I felt.

    Horror requires contrast and challenge - and it definately needs a hint of worthiness or point to rise beyond mere exploitation.

    For me this one teetered too much to the sadistic/misogynistic while yet the script had nothing to really say about these issues itself. Some of the sexual violence came across as titillating with the use of perhaps inappropriate descriptive words. (Especially as you are trying i presume to evoke sympathy for the girl.) Theres a big difference between the rape scene in a film like Irreversible and a Russ Myer pic.

    Because these sexual violent acts occur in the context of an 'unchallenged' narrative, they end up coming across as 'self indulgent' ie. there for the sake of 'shlock rather than shock' which can give the script an unintented immaturity.

    The merciful bandit at the end is a great finish (especially for what he does) but we need more of this hehe and it should be imo intertwined within the story (ie the redemptive arc is spread.)

    The misogynistic stems from the lack of resistance or influence Beatrice has as a character and a women. Because there is no resistance seemingly from the towns people or anyone bar the (fairly pathetic father) it all seems a little 'staged' hence where the impression of sadism can come from.

    Great films have experimented with sexual violence issues, perversity and you name it - one of the most contraversial and a favourite of mine is the Italian film ww2 set 'Salo' - where in that (far FAR FAR more explicit than the scenes written here) works because it has something to say, and the characters (terrifying though they are) have substance. One of many great lines from that film is from the character of the 'Duke' We fascists are the only true anarchists...

    Edited Again - to make sense!
    Last edited by lawriejaffa; 03-26-2009 at 03:31 PM.
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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