Thread: One Last Favor

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    One Last Favor
    #1
    Senior Member Ezekiel667's Avatar
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    One Last Favor -

    Loyalty draws a gunslinger out of retirement for one final job.

    I've had the script done for two weeks, I just couldn't think of a title haha. My first Scriptfest entry, so hopefully I get some good feedback.


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    #2
    Senior Member TimCollins's Avatar
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    Look forward to reading it!
    Timothy Collins - Writer/Director - Facebook | YouTube | IMDb | Twitter


    DREAMSPACE (Short Film) - 2nd Place @ 81st annual GCA Film Festival 2012
    Scriptfest IV: "GHOST TOWN"
    - Top 10


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    #3
    Senior Member seansshack's Avatar
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    Cool - look forward to the read.


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    #4
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Know the feeling...I tend to get hung up on titles myself. Looking forward to it.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #5
    Senior Member Ezekiel667's Avatar
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    Second draft pretty much finished. I can't seem to get this below 10 pages, every time I cut something that isn't needed to lower the page count, another good idea pops into my head that brings it right back up. Damn imagination! Haha. All that's left is some tweaking before the deadline and I'll be ready to go.


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    #6
    Senior Member jamiejay's Avatar
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    glad you entered... good luck!

    jamie


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    #7
    Member Tormod's Avatar
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    Just read it! first one!

    I loved the story. I thought it would be to cramped for 10 pages, but you pulled it off great. The action sequenses and dialogue are great and it was a real page turner.

    Good structure and you keep the interest throughout the story and the characters are well developed.


    all in all great job!


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    #8
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Hey there mate!

    Look at this poor thread sitting at the back here! Well I quite enjoyed this - its classic fare but slickly presented and quite stylised too. I can imagine directing this with a dark gothic style, natural light draping in... dust, sepia like tones.

    The story is essentially quite simple but you pull everything you can out of it to make it feel more complex than it has any right to be haha and it works just fine.

    I like the presentation of Drake, the relationship we glimpse between him and his old friend is convincing albeit its consequences are grim. We get a hint of age - with elements of No Country for Old Men, Unforgiven and others peeking in!

    There is great potential here for a few profound lines to peek in - to give this film script a more philisophical twang about the issues (that it reveals the consequences of visually.) Ie. the rise of youth - the cycle of violence and the dying old breed.

    The visuals and atmosphere for the scenes are great - i could really visualise it with this one and especially enjoyed the dark confrontation at the start. I have to admit that i did require a 2nd read just to get the physicalities of your description right, and i think the gunfight in which Drake escapes from Maxwell - while cool - could be a little more modest! That old dude really massacres these guys and i think if he killed a few less in his escape it would be in keeping with the more somber atmosphere of the piece!

    So mon amie an enjoyable gem hidden here!
    Feature: LORD OF TEARS - A New Legend in Horror - Pre-Order Now http://www.lordoftears.com/


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    #9
    Senior Member DarkElastic's Avatar
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    Hi Ezekeil, just read your script, thansk for the read.

    I thought it opens with a bang. It is a really good scene with a great conclusion and then we jump back to find out why this encounted occurred. Your characters were believable and had depth. I thought your script had excellent structure and made it easy to read.
    I think this script suffers from the ten page limit (like others in this Fest), there are aspects of the story that aren't explained - why does Monroe ow Drake, what does the ring signify - and I feel a page or so extra and this would have been a complete story.

    Overall though and very good script, a pleasure to read, just needs a bit more explaination so we underrstand motives. Well done.


    Marshall Dean

    Writer/Producer


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    #10
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    Hi there! Well, I enjoyed this even more on 2nd read. Agree wit DarkElastic - it would have added to the script to know why Monroe owed Drake and the ring thing...
    AND there was a comma missing on page 6, hehe.
    One thing though - watch naming the two main characters with similar sounding names. Maxwell... Monroe???
    Thanks for a good read!


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