Thanks for reading Rustom and Jamie!
Rustom - Thank you for the compliment on the pacing of the phonograph scene. I agree the cut from the bank robbery to the ghost town was a little sudden. At first I had a smoother transition there but I cut it down - mostly because I didn't know we could have ten pages PLUS the title page. So I cheated myself out of a page but at least I know for next time.
Jamie - I agree in hindsight some more terror and gore would've been fun. I originally set out for a gory horror piece but it slowly evolved into more of a thriller than a horror. I see now the problem with the ending and it helps me as I am currently working on other projects with twist endings so I will be sure to place some subtle clues throughout.
I appreciate the feedback!!
Thread: Ghost Town
Results 51 to 54 of 54
03-29-2009 01:17 PM
04-04-2009 02:53 AM
Yeah I liked this a lot - others have probably said the action paragraphs should be shorter - you were I'm sure just trying to make it fit within the limit but I think you could achieve this by just cutting down the length of the sentences or leaving some out.
As for the story though - very original, very atmospheric - a different tone to the rest of the entries which was cool.
And yes, I didn't get the end I must admit, but your idea was right, you just need to get it across to us a bit more clearly. You could simply have the ghost's son go back for the money at the end to remind us - I'd sorta forgotten about it.
But the single twist when we simply think Robert is crazy works very well on its own. Better maybe.
Overall, an interesting read, great concept and cool genre mixing! Good job!
04-07-2009 08:06 PM
Well, I am a little late in getting my comments out and it looks like everyone else did a wonderful job of telling you what did or didn't work. For me, I thought this was an interesting read and very original. No complaints at all. I think it is one of my favorites.