Ghost Town

[JONJON]

about 50 miles east of atlanta.

[TimCollins]

about 50 miles east of atlanta.

Good stuff

[jamiejay]

sounds fun... looking forward to reading it

jamie

[RodThompson]

Okay, so I read it, and I dug it!...until the end.

I didn't get it. I mean, the gost was his dad. I got that. But why did he thank him, and why the whole setup for the shooting? It would have been a better ending if it was all in his head and he killed the horses. I am going to reread this when I get home, but for now the ending makes no sense to me.

The rest of the story is gnarly. Good cross-genre action there. Horror and Western...I DIG!

[TimCollins]

Thanks for the compliments...

The ending is signifying that the whole thing was a set-up for John Ray to scare off Robert and keep the money for himself. He didn't want to kill his partner, he just wanted him out of the picture so he could keep both shares for himself. So, he got the the help of his ghost father.

I was hoping that wouldn't be confusing.

I was going to do the "all in his head" ending but I've seen that in a lot of horror movies lately and felt like going for the double-twist instead.

Hope that makes sense now.

[RodThompson]

NOW! I get it and dig it. I had that thought that it was a setup, but there wasn't anything to clearly steer me that way. Good job though!

[TimCollins]

NOW! I get it and dig it. I had that thought that it was a setup, but there wasn't anything to clearly steer me that way. Good job though!

Thanks man

[lawriejaffa]

Hey hey!

Yeah this was quite an amusing / action/horror script that i could see working (especially if the black humour/humour was intentional here!)

At first I was reading it as a serious horror western script and thinking that it was coming across as a tiny bit hokey. Taking it less seriously (with a bit of fun) was just the remedy though hehe.

Now that said I think you could actually make the 'supernatural occurences' a little scarier! The 'demise' in water on the floor (is there maybe an easier way of that occuring?) While the killing of the horses i might have thought would get some notice! I mean who cares really - in a film it works easier than a scrutinising review hehe.

I was confused with the army of ghosts though - I mean where did they come from and go? The metal vest was cute - but you know what they say - what if the guy was shot in the head. etc.

So I think it would improve if the supernatural occurences were a little bit more plausibe (as part of a conspiracy). Maybe also reduce the length of the action lines a little - and maybe grittify the dialogue a little?

The ending (and double twist) did work but i think it would seem 'more right' if the preceding events made it more plausible in 'hindsight' u know?

If that sounds like a lot of crit (its not just ideas/suggestions) then i just also want to add that this was a really fun horror adventure that is entertaining!

[TimCollins]

Hey hey!

Yeah this was quite an amusing / action/horror script that i could see working (especially if the black humour/humour was intentional here!)

At first I was reading it as a serious horror western script and thinking that it was coming across as a tiny bit hokey. Taking it less seriously (with a bit of fun) was just the remedy though hehe.

Now that said I think you could actually make the 'supernatural occurences' a little scarier! The 'demise' in water on the floor (is there maybe an easier way of that occuring?) While the killing of the horses i might have thought would get some notice! I mean who cares really - in a film it works easier than a scrutinising review hehe.

I was confused with the army of ghosts though - I mean where did they come from and go? The metal vest was cute - but you know what they say - what if the guy was shot in the head. etc.

So I think it would improve if the supernatural occurences were a little bit more plausibe (as part of a conspiracy). Maybe also reduce the length of the action lines a little - and maybe grittify the dialogue a little?

The ending (and double twist) did work but i think it would seem 'more right' if the preceding events made it more plausible in 'hindsight' u know?

If that sounds like a lot of crit (its not just ideas/suggestions) then i just also want to add that this was a really fun horror adventure that is entertaining!

Hey man.

Yeah, I was definitely going for some black comedy elements - I'm glad it was noticed.

As far as the army of ghosts, I just kinda thought it would be a cool read to imagine two-hundred ghosts of dead cowboys with bullet holes through their heads haha. I don't really know much about ghosts but the way I saw it they can just appear/disappear when they want to.

True about the metal vest but I just thought "hey... what if?". I was going to include a line earlier about how Robert could never shoot anyone in the head because the family would have to have a closed casket but I decided to do without.

Thanks for reading!

[lawriejaffa]

Yeah the metal vest is fine really - you'd have to be pretty anal as a viewer to bring that up really (so scratch that comment hehe) I think definately if your going to make the thing a hoax - then the army of ghosts can't actually appear (unless old grandpa has aftereffects and has created them to trick everyone hehe)