Thread: Ghost Town

Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 23456
Results 51 to 54 of 54
  1. Collapse Details
    #51
    Senior Member TimCollins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    267
    Default
    Thanks for reading Rustom and Jamie!

    Rustom - Thank you for the compliment on the pacing of the phonograph scene. I agree the cut from the bank robbery to the ghost town was a little sudden. At first I had a smoother transition there but I cut it down - mostly because I didn't know we could have ten pages PLUS the title page. So I cheated myself out of a page but at least I know for next time.

    Jamie - I agree in hindsight some more terror and gore would've been fun. I originally set out for a gory horror piece but it slowly evolved into more of a thriller than a horror. I see now the problem with the ending and it helps me as I am currently working on other projects with twist endings so I will be sure to place some subtle clues throughout.

    I appreciate the feedback!!
    Timothy Collins - Writer/Director - Facebook | YouTube | IMDb | Twitter


    DREAMSPACE (Short Film) - 2nd Place @ 81st annual GCA Film Festival 2012
    Scriptfest IV: "GHOST TOWN"
    - Top 10


    Reply With Quote
     

  2. Collapse Details
    #52
    Senior Member Sarah Daly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    331
    Default
    Hey!

    Yeah I liked this a lot - others have probably said the action paragraphs should be shorter - you were I'm sure just trying to make it fit within the limit but I think you could achieve this by just cutting down the length of the sentences or leaving some out.

    As for the story though - very original, very atmospheric - a different tone to the rest of the entries which was cool.

    And yes, I didn't get the end I must admit, but your idea was right, you just need to get it across to us a bit more clearly. You could simply have the ghost's son go back for the money at the end to remind us - I'd sorta forgotten about it.

    But the single twist when we simply think Robert is crazy works very well on its own. Better maybe.

    Overall, an interesting read, great concept and cool genre mixing! Good job!


    Reply With Quote
     

  3. Collapse Details
    #53
    Default
    Well, I am a little late in getting my comments out and it looks like everyone else did a wonderful job of telling you what did or didn't work. For me, I thought this was an interesting read and very original. No complaints at all. I think it is one of my favorites.


    Reply With Quote
     

  4. Collapse Details
    #54
    Senior Member TimCollins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    267
    Default
    Thanks for reading Sarah and Bridget I'm glad you liked it!
    Timothy Collins - Writer/Director - Facebook | YouTube | IMDb | Twitter


    DREAMSPACE (Short Film) - 2nd Place @ 81st annual GCA Film Festival 2012
    Scriptfest IV: "GHOST TOWN"
    - Top 10


    Reply With Quote
     

Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 23456

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •